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Post by Florian Raniari on Oct 14, 2010 17:16:45 GMT -5
 You could be empty
and I can be right here empty with you
or you could be hollow,
and I can be right here hollow with you
If you want to say goodbye to everything
I could say goodbye too
I can be right here empty with youSastre sat cross-legged in the center of the yard, his eyes closed and his hands resting on his knees. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, allowing himself to fully relax, no small task for a hunter. The scent of the grass, still slightly damp from last night's rain, filled his nostrils, as did the smell of the nearby flower beds' damp soil. Birds sang softly as the sun rose higher, causing a bit of warmth to creep into Sastre's body, which was covered in a sheen of sweat from his earlier workout. All of these things conspired to aid him in his effort to let go of the world around him and simply be. It had now been a few weeks since he'd been injured in the explosion, and he had only just recently returned to his former morning routine. He'd rise with the sun, eat a quick light breakfast, then go outside and perform various exercises, including sit-ups, push-ups, and even jogging around the neighborhood on occasion. He'd even begun doing pull-ups from a low-hanging limb in the tree in Madison's yard, knowing that he had to get some strength back in his right arm, which was now cast-free... Most of the time. He had requested that Madison remove the cast as carefully as possible, and whenever he went out, he made sure to continue wearing it. He knew that there was a chance that Darian was watching him, or at least paying someone to watch him at any rate, and that by leaving the cast on, he had something of an ace in the hole. Darian, hopefully, would think Sastre's arm still broken when the time came for their confrontation. For now, though, Sastre pushed all such concerns from his mind as he continued with the next "phase" of his morning routine: solitude and meditation. This, he thought, was even more important than the physical exercise, because he knew that his mind was currently far weaker than his body. For so many years he'd let the horrors of his past lie buried within, slowly poisoning him and clouding his mind. He had to get a handle on things, either by burying the memories deeper yet, or by somehow expelling them altogether. Sighing deeply once again, the hunter cleared his mind of all thought as he sought some inner peace that, still, seemed to elude him... (TAG Madison!)) |
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Post by madison on Oct 15, 2010 3:06:46 GMT -5
I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way outIt had been an extremely long night. Two car accidents, a heart attack, a hit and run, and a plain old drunken idiot. Not all of them had survived. Madison had done her best, but she knew first hand that her best wasn’t always good enough. Lately it seemed like that was the case more often than not. Madison felt like her life was spiraling out of control. At the moment she still had her job, but she was under review by the hospital board. Things didn’t look like they’d be going her way. She would probably be there another week tops. Then, well Madison had no idea what she was going to do. She hadn’t told Sastre any of this yet. She knew he’d feel like it was his fault, and she didn’t want that. He was still recovering and he had enough worries without adding this on top of it. Madison would figure something out. Somehow. Unfortunately as she was leaving the hospital at four in the morning Steven called her cell phone. She’d had no choice but to meet him. If Madison hadn’t gone, he just would have shown up at her home. That meant he would have come face to face with Sastre, and she was trying her best to avoid that. Madison had met Steven at his apartment. It was a stupid thing to do. Dangerous, but it was go there or have him come to her and Sastre’s home. If Steven found Sastre living with her, things would be so much worse than they were. After Steven belittled and berated her, reminding Madison how it was her fault that Justin was in jail, he proceeded to beat her. She didn’t understand why he found some much joy in it. Steven wanted her back, but she wouldn’t, not unless he kept his promise and got Justin out of jail. Then, well then she didn’t know what she’d do. Luckily, Madison was off for the next two days. It would be enough time for her bruised ribs to settle a bit, and she’d be able to hide the remnants of her black eye behind a wall of makeup. The bruises to her side and abdomen would be concealed behind her clothes. Madison was well versed in how to hide her injuries. The only problem was, she knew Sastre would notice, and she knew he’d be upset. Taking a deep breath, Madison went inside, grateful that Sastre wasn’t anywhere in sight. Hurrying to her room, Madison showered and changed, throwing on her favorite pair of green pajamas. She looked at herself in the mirror for a few minutes, noting the dark circles under her eyes. Madison was exhausted, but she knew even then she wouldn’t get much rest. Giving a deep wistful sigh, Madison grabbed her makeup disguising the bruise almost completely. It was still a bit puffy, but Madison didn’t have time to ice it. This was as good as it was going to get. She through her wet hair into a ponytail and left her room in search of Sastre. When Madison saw him in the yard, meditating she leaned against the porch frame and simply watched him, not wanting to interrupt whatever it was he was in the middle of. A soft yawn escaped her as she smiled at the sight of him. Madison was happy she’d met Sastre. It seemed with all the bad things in her life, he was the one bit of good. A friend was something Madison hadn’t had in a long time, and out of all the people it could have been, she was grateful that it was Sastre. |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Oct 15, 2010 22:38:36 GMT -5
It seemed like hours that he sat there, though only a few minutes had passed.
He opened his eyes, scowling a bit. He was pretty sure that it was supposed to be the other way around: you meditate for a few hours, and come out of it feeling like only a moment or two had passed. Shaking his head, Sastre decided not to dwell on it. He'd never been particularly good at the whole meditation and centering thing, though the Old Man (who was apparently something of an expert) had tried over and over again to teach him. Still, in the few minutes that he'd actually managed to gain some slight hint of inner peace, Sastre had felt a bit lighter... a bit more at ease.
More practice, he silently vowed with a nod. If he could attain that peace that he'd been striving for for so long, any amount of practice would be more than worth it.
For the time being, though, he turned his blue-grey eyes on Madison as he stood up slowly, his legs protesting only a little. Picking up a towel from the ground next to him, he dried himself off and pulled a shirt on. He sighed gladly, for that simple action no longer sent jolts of pain throughout his body, nor did it cause him to ache as he had before. The workouts, both mental and physical, were good for him. He'd gone far too long without taking proper care of himself...
"You didn't sleep at all, did you?" he asked her, his brow furrowed with concern.
He walked toward her, the slightest hint of a catch to his step. There had been a time, years earlier, when he'd nearly lost his left leg, and he would have if not for Helena's intervention. It had been the first time they'd met, and she'd somehow managed to save the mangled limb, though it had never healed quite right. Now, though, the limp was only obvious when the leg had spent too much time idle: in the morning, especially, or when he'd been sitting down too long.
When he stood before her, his eyes narrowed. She may be able to hide the damage from anyone else, but he'd come to know her far too well over the past few weeks, and he never forgot a face. And hers was obviously made-up a bit more than usual, no doubt to hide a new batch of bruises. Sastre's eyes filled with sorrow for a moment, and he closed them as he turned his head away.
"God, Madison..."
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Post by madison on Oct 16, 2010 1:25:08 GMT -5
I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way outShe watched as Sastre finished his meditation and slowly made his way towards her. Madison held onto her smile, though her heart skipped a few beats as he approached. She hoped he wouldn’t notive, but somewhere deep inside, Madison knew he would. When he approached Madison bit her lip, trying to turn her face so that the bruises wouldn’t be so obvious. “Not yet,” She said in answer to his question about sleeping. “I just got home.” It was the truth, but Madison also could have fallen into bed and attempted to sleep for a few hours. She was stalling, and they both knew it. Sastre knew she was having nightmares. Not that she had told him in so many words, but if Madison had learned anything about the man it was that he was observant. “I’ll go to bed in a while.” At least she’d try. Madison was exhausted. They both knew it. She had been taking extra shifts at the hospital while she could. She wasn’t really worried about the money. There was plenty she had saved up. Money she had planned for other purposes. Purposes that had long ago died. She’d be able to more than get by. No, she took the extra shifts because when she was helping others, Madison didn’t have to think about herself. When Sastre turned away, she had seen the look in his eyes a moment before. Madison’s own gaze went to the grass. The tone of his voice, he wasn’t angry, but Madison almost felt as if she’d disappointed him. He knew. Madison knew that Sastre knew. He was observant. She was a fool to think the makeup would hide it from him. “I’m sorry.” She meant it with all her heart. Madison hoped her voice conveyed that. Sastre was the only true friend she had in the world, she hated to upset him. What she did though, it was necessary. Sastre knew why she was doing it. Thinking of her brother, well it was the only thing that got her through the beatings. Turning away, Madison went inside, and wandered into the kitchen putting on a pot of coffee for herself. Exhaustion made the coffee pot feel like it weighed a ton, but she went through the movements anyways. Her body hurt, her soul hurt, but she wasn’t ready to go to sleep. After seeing that look in Sastre’s eyes, Madison couldn’t stand to face the nightmares yet. |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Oct 18, 2010 15:40:07 GMT -5
Sastre maintained an outward air of calm, but inside he was seething.
His stomach felt sick, and his fists were clenched so hard that his fingers and palms began to ache, and his vision seemed to be tinged with red. Taking a moment, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths to try and calm himself. The anger wasn't worth it, and the pain he'd cause by giving into the anger would only cause more problems in the long run.
No... He had to learn to get his emotions under control, and this was just another test.
Opening his eyes once again, Sastre walked inside, heading for the kitchen. Taking the coffee pot from Madison's hands, he smiled reassuringly at her, placing his hand on her shoulder gently.
"Remember what I told you, Madison? You don't ever have to apologize to me, ever." He winked at her as he set the coffee pot down. "Now, you need to go and get some sleep, alright? This," he indicated the coffee, "won't help you with that, will it? And I don't drink coffee, so I have no need for it either."
Keeping one hand on her shoulder, he began to slowly lead her toward her bedroom. As they reached the door, he stopped, looking her in the eye.
"I know why you don't want to go to sleep, Madison. And I understand, completely. You aren't the only one to have nightmares... But you can't let them control your life. You need the sleep, Madison, your job needs you to be sharp and focused, or people won't be able to get the help they need. I know it's hard for you, but remember that you aren't alone here, and that I will try my absolute hardest to make sure that nothing happens to you, okay?"
He paused, smiling and opening the door for her.
"Now, get some sleep. If you want me to, I'll stay with you until you wake up, alright?"
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Post by madison on Oct 18, 2010 16:21:48 GMT -5
I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way outA very small smile tugged at the corner of Madison’s lips when Sastre reminded her she didn’t have to apologize to him. He was always so kind to her. Madison honestly didn’t know if she deserved it, but she was grateful for it all the same. There weren’t many things that were good in her life right now. Her ex was trying to black mail her to get her incarcerated brother out of jail, she was on the verge of losing her job, and she was just so tired. Sastre though, well he was definitely a good thing. When he took the coffee pot, Madison opened her mouth to protest, but realized that it probably wouldn’t do any good. Sastre was being honest with her and he was right that she wouldn’t be able to help properly in her current state. She listened to him quietly as he spoke and lead Madison to her room. She knew everything he said was right, but that didn’t help the tight knot of fear in her stomach. It seemed Madison was always frightened anymore. The only times she wasn’t was when she was working or when Sastre was near. Unfortunately he couldn’t come into her dreams and chase the horrors away. Madison stood outside her bedroom when he opened the door. She looked up at the smile on Sastre’s face before looking back at her bedroom. She wished she could be strong like him. Sastre always seemed to be able to face his fears, overcome them. Madison didn’t know how to even begin, and the truth was she still didn’t want to go to sleep. Even with the offer of Sastre staying with her, Madison didn’t want to close her eyes. She brought her weary gaze back to Sastre and tried to offer him a smile. “I’ll sleep in a bit. I’m off for the next two days. I have time to catch up.”Pulling away from him, Madison went over to the couch, her feet padding softly across the wood floors and curled up in the corner, pulling her knees to her chest. She winced a bit in the process, her muscles protesting the movement as the bruises stretched. Resting her head on the arm, Madison grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, putting on the classic show ‘Friends’. It was only a few moments before Madison’s eyes began to droop. The coffee would have helped, but she knew Sastre would argue against it and she didn’t have the energy to fight him. Instead she tried to pay attention as Ross and Rachel got drunk in Vegas. |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Oct 22, 2010 15:56:18 GMT -5
Sastre leaned against the wall, cleaning under his nails with the tip of his ever-present knife.
He watched Madison carefully, expertly concealing the fact that her wounds seemed to hurt him almost as much as they did her. The old hunter hated seeing her in pain, especially the pain that came from the beatings inflicted upon her by her ex-husband, a man that Sastre prayed he could finally meet one day. It was so hard for him to sit by while all of this was going on, but he'd made a promise not to go after the bastard, and he'd never broken a promise before. All he could do was stay here, with Madison, and remain a solid, comforting presence, which was exactly what he intended to do.
Briefly, Sastre's lips quirked into a smile as he thought about the plan that he'd finally put into action, the plan that he hoped would end all of this once and for all. It had only taken a bit of digging around to learn all about Madison's incarcerated brother, Justin, including all of the little details about the prison he was being held in. A phone call to Brennan's mother Lillian had gotten the gears turning--after, of course, nearly an hour of side-stepping all of her "Are you sure you're alright?" questions, no doubt thanks to Brennan herself--and he'd managed to get a phone number. Now, days later, he'd already been in contact with the people who would work up all of the papers he needed to make this work.
There were still some other, minor details to work out, but he was certain that he could have Justin free again in little more than a month, if even that. Of course, he would need some accomplices, but he knew that Brennan, at least, would be on board to help, though he would tell her nothing about Justin's relationship to Madison. He wondered, too, if Lily may be persuaded to lend a hand...
With a sigh, Sastre slipped his blade back into it's hiding place up his sleeve and closed his eyes. Crossing his arms over his chest, his breathing slowed down until it appeared that he was sleeping. In reality, though, he was once again attempting to find that inner peace that he'd been striving for these past days, and though it continued to elude him, he could feel himself getting closer and closer all the time.
Soon, Madison would be safe, hopefully far away and out of Darian's reach, with her brother and a nice new identity for herself, and for Justin as well. Being a hunter certainly had its perks. They were few and far between, but at least they were there...
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Post by madison on Oct 25, 2010 1:03:11 GMT -5
Coffee. Madison desperately needed caffeine. Her lids felt like they had ten ton anvils attached to them, slowly pulling them down. The coffee would have lightened the weight, but she didn’t want to upset Sastre anymore than she already had. He kept saying that she didn’t have to apologize, but Madison knew it was just the opposite. It was almost like she had too much to apologize for, and sometimes saying you’re sorry just wasn’t enough.
Madison wasn’t one of those women that thought her ex-husband would change. That he’d stop hurting her or change his ways. She wasn’t that naïve, not anymore. Steven had destroyed her a long time ago, and unfortunately there had been casualties. No matter what anyone said it was her fault that so many lives had been ruined. If she’d left Steven sooner or told someone sooner…things would be so much different. That was simply a fact.
No sometimes saying you were sorry just wasn’t enough. Sometimes people got punished. This was part of Madison’s punishment, and once Justin was free, well Madison knew she’d still be paying. Her heavy lidded eyes glanced towards Sastre. She hate that she’d added her problems onto his plate. He promised not to do anything, but it was still a burden that Sastre shouldn’t have to bare. He was a good man and he didn’t deserve the horrible things that had happened to him, and he sure didn’t deserve to have Madison dumping her problems on him.
It wasn’t long before the mind numbing television betrayed Madison and she drifted off to sleep. It wasn’t long before the nightmares started. Her body tensed in her slip, soft whimpering sounds escaping her lips as a mix of everything Steven had done to her, the death of her child, and her brother being in jail washed through her dreams. Every now and then Steven’s voice sounded like Ross Gellar’s and she knew she’d never be able to watch Friends the same way again.
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Post by Florian Raniari on Oct 26, 2010 14:33:27 GMT -5
Sastre knew that sleep was finally winning.
He felt bad, in a way, for he knew that with sleep inevitably came her nightmares. She'd never told him about them, but he knew, for he had them as well. Still, nightmares or not, she needed to sleep, though she'd never admit it. She was spreading herself too thin, between worrying about him here, her job at the hospital, her bastard ex-husband, and her brother. Without sleep, Sastre knew that Madison would soon break down.
Sastre opened one eye, glad to see that she'd finally nodded off, though her sleep seemed restless. Big surprise. Slowly and silently, the hunter slipped across the room to kneel down on the floor beside the couch on which she slept. He reached out, lightly resting his hand on her shoulder, closing his eyes and praying silently that her dreams would stop troubling her, and that she'd get a decent rest for a change.
With Madison asleep, Sastre stood up and paced about the room, feeling uneasy. Things were certainly coming to a head, and not for the first time he wondered if he was strong enough to make it through this storm, or if he'd finally be swept away.
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Post by madison on Oct 27, 2010 4:15:13 GMT -5
I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way outThe nightmares seemed to grip her for an eternity. It seemed Sastre’s prayers hadn’t been answer, but prayers were only answered for those deserving. While Sastre was deserving, Madison most definitely was not and he had been praying for her, trying to ease her pain. It was Madison’s job to ease pain while somehow finding a way to cope with her own physical and emotional. Both seemed to be never ending. It seemed eventually her mind had enough and she jerked awake, her hands instinctively going to her stomach trying to protect a child that was no longer than. “NO!” Her breath was quick, ragged, as her hands clenched to fists over her smooth, flat stomach, and she bit her lip against the physical pain that slammed into her from the sudden movement. Madison’s wounds were still very fresh, tender, and sore, but she couldn’t control her bodies reaction from the nightmare and waited patiently, her face tight as her body slowly began to ebb away the pain. She felt sweat that beaded on her brow while sleeping slowly begin to dry against the cool air of the room. Her body shivered against a chill and Madison wasn’t sure if it was real or imaginary. Either way, she was cold from the inside out. It wasn’t the kind of cold that could be filled from a warm blanket or a crackling fire. It was more the cold of emptiness. It seemed to be spreading through her more and more every day, almost as if it was trying to consume her. Maybe it was. The problem was, Madison had no idea how to stop it, and she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to anymore. |
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