A Moment of Respite (Brennan)

[Abigail Faraday-Brennan]

Brennan let out her breath in a soft chuckle, rocking Lily slowly in her arms.

“Is that what all this is about?” she asked, relaxing in relief.

Shaking her head, Brennan smiled warmly and leaned down to kiss the top of Lily’s head. For a moment she considered having some fun with the girl, drawing out her anxiety for a little while longer. After all, she had never seen Lily so irrationally shaken, and she was unlikely to again. But then the witch’s throat tightened as she remembered hearing the terror underlying Lily’s words and feeling the hunter’s body shiver against her own. She never wanted to see Lily that frightened again, and she’d be damned if she was going to be the one that caused it.

So instead, Brennan leaned her head against Lily's and murmured quietly in the hunter’s ear.

“I already told her, sweetie,” she said, running her fingers slowly through Lily’s hair. “Ages ago. We talk to each other quite a bit when I’m on the road. She’s known almost as long as I have.”

Brennan briefly tightened her hold on Lily, then shifted back to lean against the headboard, drawing the hunter down to rest her head on Brennan’s chest. Reaching down, the witch laid her hands on Lily's shoulders, digging her fingers in and slowly beginning to massage the knots out of her tense muscles. She worked in silence for several minutes, letting the young woman process what she had said, then spoke again.

"It wouldn't matter, you know," she said quietly, moving her fingers to Lily's neck. "I mean, it would be awkward for awhile, and it would definitely make things difficult, but..."

Brennan smiled softly down at Lily, holding herself completely open for a moment and letting her see the depth of emotion she felt for the young woman. Leaning down, Brennan gently kissed the top of Lily's head.

"I'm crazy about you. And I'm not going anywhere."

Suddenly self conscious at her sappy display, Brennan glanced away and gave Lily a quick squeeze, hoping she hadn't scared the hunter off.

"So whaddaya say?" she asked briskly, trying to cover her embarrassment. "Are you ready for round two?"

[Sastre Quicksilver]

It took Lily a long, long time to finally comprehend what Brennan had told her.

Even then, the young woman thought that her lover must have misunderstood... Lillian knew? She had all along? Then... Then why had she seemed so comfortable with it? How could she possibly have been so understanding? What parent could ever want their child to end up with someone like Lily?

She'd made so many mistakes, done so many horrible things... People had died because of her, because she hadn't been good enough to save them. She'd been something of a slut for a lot of years, too, jumping from one guy to the next without even thinking about it, without worrying about the hearts she might be breaking, or the lives she might be ruining. She had stolen, lied, cheated...

She had killed a man, an ordinary, human man...

Yet despite all her doubts, Lily sensed that Brennan was right. It was that moment of peace that she'd experienced when Lillian had taken her in her arms, when she'd told Lily that she was proud of her... That single act was all that the hunter needed to know that all of her fears had been for nothing. Somehow, Lillian had accepted her despite the things she'd done in her past. Somehow, she had looked past all of that and seen Lily the person, and not Lily the weak, promiscuous, lying, murdering hunter.

Simultaneously with this realization, something snapped inside of her.

Turning, she buried her face against Brennan's chest and wept, horrible, gut-wrenching sobs wracking her shoulders. So many years of pent-up, unresolved sorrow seemed to flow from her, and between the sobs she somehow managed to tell Brennan everything: about her past, about Thomas Carlisle and what he'd done to her, and about how she'd murdered him after nearly two years; she told the witch about all the people that had died because of her, because she wasn't a good enough hunter to save them...

Everything was laid bare for Brennan, all the secrets, all the worries and doubts about herself, all of the mistakes she'd made. And as the tears continued to flow, Lily felt all of the weight that she'd been carrying flow out of her with them, slowly replaced by a sense of relief that she hadn't known since she was a child. It was the relief of knowing that she was with someone who would love her unconditionally, no matter what she'd done in the past, or what she might possibly do in the future. She told Brennan everything. All of it. She held nothing back.

She knew she didn't have to.

[Abigail Faraday-Brennan]

Brennan buried her face against Lily and held her tight, as if she could fend off all of the pain and anguish the hunter had suffered in her lifetime.

As the young woman forced her story out in choking, labored sobs, Brennan slowly stiffened, holding onto Lily all the tighter. It was all she could do to contain her hatred and rage at the old hunter who had taken Lily in, teaching her what he knew in exchange for doing as he liked with the young, impressionable woman. It was a price no one should ever be asked to pay, and Brennan’s heart ached at what Lily had endured in order to survive as an orphaned would-be hunter.

She listened in silence as Lily told her of all the innocents she had lost, of the ones she was too late to save, and the ones who had died even as she fought for them. Brennan couldn’t believe the level of guilt and anguish the hunter carried with her, all the undeserved blame she placed on herself. She suddenly reached a new level of understanding for Lily’s insatiable drive to throw herself into the fight, day after day, without rest or care for her own well-being. It was as if she were serving a penance, as if she could make up for everything she thought she needed to atone for, whether real or imagined.

The witch listened to all of it, holding her lover close, and by the end, Brennan was in tears as well.

As Lily finally wound down, the witch found herself at a complete loss. Everything she could think to say sounded trite, and “it’s okay” didn’t begin to cover everything Brennan wanted to tell the young woman, if only she could find the words. How could she convince Lily that she understood about Thomas Carlisle; that if the hunter hadn’t already taken care of him long ago, she would have hunted him down herself? How could she make her see that she couldn’t save everyone, and that she couldn’t punish herself for trying? Show her what an accomplished, resourceful woman she truly was? She had to find a way to wipe the wretched expression off her face and restore her confidence in herself.

So she settled for words that were painfully inadequate, hoping the hunter would understand what she was really trying to say through her fumbling.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” she murmured quietly, reaching out to smooth the hair back from Lily’s face.

Brennan ran her hands lightly over the hunter's body, keeping her motions slow and soothing. As she tried to tell her everything she meant, the witch lifted her gaze to meet Lily's, sharing what she could of the young woman’s suffering and hoping it would be enough.

[Sastre Quicksilver]

As she always did, Lily started to relax as Brennan's hands caressed her.

Her breathing steadied, and her shoulders stopped their shaking, and the tears finally stopped flowing. She felt terribly exhausted, emotionally and physically, and all she could do was cling to Brennan, like the woman was the only solid thing in a world that had suddenly crumbled around her. She nuzzled closer to the witch, letting out one last shuddering sigh.

"I'll try to be better, Brennan," she whispered, her voice weak and tremulous. Clenching her eyes shut against more tears, Lily held tighter to the woman, burying her face against her chest. "I'll try and be the person you deserve, Brennan, I promise. Just... just don't leave me, okay?"

Despite her best efforts, Lily couldn't hold back her emotions any more, and she began to cry again, softly and mournfully. She didn't really think that Brennan would leave her, at least she hoped not, but at the moment, the thing that Lily really needed was to just hear the words from Brennan herself. She needed that confirmation, she needed to know, undoubtedly, that the woman really wouldn't walk out on her, now that she knew everything.

"I don't wanna be alone again..."

[Abigail Faraday-Brennan]

Brennan laid her chin on Lily’s head, keeping one arm wrapped around the hunter while continuing to rub her back in slow, soothing circles.

“Hey,” she said quietly. “That’s ridiculous – you’re doing just fine, sweetie. You don’t have to be anything for me except yourself. I love you just the way you are.”

Brennan closed her eyes and kept her hands moving, taking as much comfort in the touch as Lily seemed to be. The witch was both surprised and moved by the hunter’s unexpected outburst. Lily had always avoided opening up to anyone, and that was alright. Brennan wished that she would confide in her more, but she had lived around hunters long enough to know that that was unlikely to happen. Although not impossible, it seemed.

And it was true that Lily had told Brennan early on that she was in love with her, and Brennan had believed her. But deep down, she had always been a little afraid that Lily’s feelings were based more on this new experience, and not on her feelings toward Brennan herself. She’d admitted that she’d never been with another woman before, and she was obviously happier than she had been with any of her male partners. But how could she know she was in love with the witch if she didn’t have anything else to compare it to? Anyone else?

So Brennan had accepted the probability of the inevitable, when Lily came down from the initial thrill and realized her mistake. She had ultimately ignored caution and given in to her own feelings, deciding to enjoy the time she had with the hunter and take everything else as it came. In all honesty, she was a little embarrassed to find that Lily held her in such high regard. Brennan had certainly made her own share of mistakes, and she was not without a few of her own personal demons. And she knew she couldn’t do what Lily did, day in and day out, never resting or taking any time for herself.

Sighing, Brennan reached up to gently wipe away the hunter’s tears, tilting her chin up so she could meet her eyes.

“No one is perfect, Lily. Not you, and certainly not me. It would be silly to expect someone to be,” she said, running her thumb gently over Lily’s cheek. “We all just do the best we can, and hope everything turns out okay. There’s no shame in that.”

Bending her head, Brennan kissed her gently, then leaned back again so she could look her in the eye once more.

“I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here for as long as you’ll have me.”

[Sastre Quicksilver]

Lily laid her head back down on Brennan's chest again, the ghost of a smile flitting across her lips at the witch's words.

"Long as I'll have you, huh?" she asked quietly, shuddering a bit at Brennan's touch. "You sure you're ready to commit yourself to that? 'Cause I plan on having you for a while..." Closing her eyes, she snuggled closer, finally beginning to feel totally relaxed and at peace again. In fact, she felt better than she had in a long time, now that all of the things she'd told Brennan weren't looming over her any more.

"Guess I sorta made an ass of myself in front of your mom, didn't I?" Lily murmured with a heavy sigh. "God, so much for first impressions..." Shifting a bit, Lily slipped both her arms around Brennan's waist and locked her fingers, holding as tightly to her lover as she could without choking the life from her. Smiling a bit, she said, "Don't suppose you know some spell to turn back time so I don't look like such an idiot, do you?"

[Abigail Faraday-Brennan]

Brennan chuckled and lifted a hand to run her fingers through Lily’s hair.

“Well, actually…” The witch looked away and pretended to consider seriously for a moment, then went on. “There is a spell like that, but we’re really not supposed to let anyone outside the craft know about it.”

Brennan glanced down at Lily and shrugged.

“If you really want to know, we’ve already had this conversation two or three times, and this is the best it’s gone so far.”

Brennan kept a straight face for as long as she could, but after a moment, her lip started to twitch, and her face broke into a playful grin.

“Okay, so maybe that’s not true,” she admitted, smiling wryly and wrapping her arms around the hunter. “But wouldn’t it be nice if there was something like that?”

Brennan stared thoughtfully into space for several moments, then smiled gently down at Lily.

“Don’t worry about it,” she advised, laying her chin on the top of her lover’s head. “Mom tends to have that effect on people, even when she doesn't mean to. I once saw her reduce a grown man to tears.” Brennan paused to think for a moment, cocking her head. “Actually, that might have been Sastre,” she joked, grinning. “And you lasted much longer than he did, for the record.”

Continuing to run her fingers through Lily’s hair, Brennan sighed and leaned her head back against the headboard.

“Tell you what,” she said, looking down at Lily and raising her eyebrows. “I don’t have a magic spell to turn back time, but I do have one that will get you all freshened up like nothing happened, and we can give this another shot. What do you say to that?”

[Sastre Quicksilver]

Lily let the feeling of relief wash through her, smiling genuinely.

"Thanks, Brennan," she said, hugging the witch tightly. "I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with sometimes... And I know I come with a lot of baggage. But I love you, and that's saying something, because I never thought I'd feel like this about anyone." Leaning up, she kissed Brennan gently, a shiver running down her spine when their lips touched. "I just want you to be happy, no matter what. I'll do anything you ask me to, I mean it."

Kissing her again quickly, Lily crawled to the edge of the bed, then stood up and stretched, groaning loudly. Stepping over to look into the full-length mirror that hung on the back of the door, she grimaced, biting her nails a bit as she took in her haggard appearance.

"Jesus, look at me," she grumbled, turning away. "Remind me never to have a breakdown like that again, alright? Were you serious about a spell, or am I going to have to go do this the old fashioned way?"

[Abigail Faraday-Brennan]

Brennan smiled and slid off the bed, padding over to stand behind Lily and sliding her arms around the hunter’s waist.

“Hmm, anything, huh?” she asked mischievously, bending her head to let her lips play over the back of Lily’s neck. She chuckled as the hunter nearly squirmed out of her skin and left her alone, laying her chin on Lily’s shoulder instead.

“I love you too,” she murmured in contentment. “And all I want is to be with you. You don’t have to do anything special. Just, try to put up with me?”

Brennan kissed her shoulder, then leaned her head against the hunter’s and closed her eyes, calling up a trickle of power.

“Okay, this might tingle a little…”

Keeping her eyes closed in concentration, she visualized what she wanted to accomplish, then twisted the magick to her will and sent it down into Lily. She could have masked the tingling from the hunter, as she would have if she’d been targeting an unsuspecting enemy, but the sensation was hardly unpleasant, and it took energy. Not much, but Brennan had been hunting long enough to know that conserving energy meant staying alive, even if she was “off-duty” at the moment.

But the more familiar a witch was with a person, the better their magick worked on them, and Brennan was pleased to note that the magick flowed fairly easily into the hunter, leaping quickly through her body and carrying out its task. The wrinkles smoothed from Lily's much-abused clothing, her hair fell lightly back into place, the tear streaks faded away into nothingness, and a healthy glow returned to her cheeks.

All told, the work was done in the blink of an eye, and Brennan gently swiveled Lily back toward the mirror so she could examine the results for herself.

“Better?” she asked, smiling at Lily through her reflection.

[Sastre Quicksilver]

Lily shuddered when the sensation coursed through her.

It wasn't painful, or even uncomfortable, but it was certainly different. But somehow, it felt like Brennan, sort of like the shivers Lily got whenever the witch touched her. In fact, that was the best way to describe it: it felt like Brennan's touch, without any physical contact involved. Smiling, she leaned back against Brennan, letting the feeling spread throughout her body.

"That feels nice," she murmured. "Wonder what sort of other stuff you can do with it..." Laughing lightly, she turned within the circle of Brennan's arms, kissing her gently. "Could make all kinds of things a little more interesting, huh?"

Once the spell was finished, and Lily was turned to look back in the mirror, she couldn't help but be amazed. She'd seen Brennan's magic at work before, but never quite like this. What Lily had seen had always involved setting protective circles, working up charms, healing teas, and various other things like that; basically, all involving "the job" rather than just everyday, normal life. This... well, it was just plain impressive.

"Wow," Lily said in awe. "Man... what'd I ever do before I got my own personal witch, huh?" She grinned at Brennan, embracing her and giving her a long, passionate kiss. "Think I'm ready, now, if you are..."