Yellow Submarine

[russ]

Maybe Russ had been around Helena for too long. He knew that Cassidy starkly contrasted the dark-haired doctor in more ways than age and appearance, but so freely being allowed to mess about and joke made him forget that he could not act that way with everyone. That not everyone needed it. In fact, that girls like Cassidy needed the exact opposite. Maybe that was why he had chosen her to call. Because she would provide the extreme distraction that he was looking for.

He had not anticipated her swimsuit to contribute to this. It was really hard to ignore what he already knew about her, but had been allowed to forget without having her right in front of him all the time. She really was beautiful, exuding the fresh glow of youth while having all the propriety and grace of a mature woman. Sometimes he forgot just how young she really was and maybe he was expecting too much from her. She really did live in a world set apart from the reality of most. It always made him feel a little sorry for her.

When the breeze picked up her blonde locks and blew them gently across her face, Russ could only stare at her for a moment. He knew she was waiting for a response, but the promise of her gentle femininity was hard to ignore. The earnest that gripped her now made him think about the airy and empty laughs that usually brightened her features. He did appreciate that she could have a fun and carefree time, but it was never her fake happiness that made him feel connected to her. It was the moments that he knew her true self; and he had not been anticipating that from her so soon.

Smiling gently, Russ shook his head. He might have liked her this way, but he knew it could not be a good sign if she was acting so all of a sudden. Cassidy was too in the moment for it to be something else bothering her. He imagined that she was still hung up on his joke. Yes, that was certainly a major drawback about her. She had a very limited sense of humor. [white] “Well no, I guess I did. I just didn’t realize how much it was your familiar face that I wanted to see. Now come on, you have to have done something… you can’t have been this pretty when I left you. It wouldn’t have been possible.”[/white] Continuing to smile, Russ reached up gently to pull a wisp of hair away from her face. Swallowing slightly, he withdrew his hand and took another drink of his beer, trying to concentrate on the sound of the waves.

[cewhite]

It was a good thing that Cassidy could not read minds, otherwise, to know that in any remote form she was being compared to another girl would’ve sent her over the edge and in a second demand that their trip be called to an end. That was the funny thing about Cassidy. It didn’t matter that she didn’t return these alleged feeling for Russell, but by the heavens above, Russell could not dare change his feelings for her, even after five months. Possessive she was and she could hardly ever hide it well, especially, to the likes of Russell. Then again, it had never crossed her mind that Russell may be this way with everyone and not just her. She’d felt so special and was one of the main reasons she was drawn to him. She’d never imagine, more so, was she not capable of comprehending the idea that this was who he was and she was no different from one girl to the next. She’d never think that in some small way, he was using her, like she was using him.

In fact, standing in front of him, and not having him return the sort of enthusiasm she had expected, she now felt like she had to put forth an effort. One of her motives for having felt the urge to change from her sweet innocent outfit into a more provocative one. Had she done so with a conscious mind, likely not. If one way weren’t going to get the reaction she wanted, then she’d use another method, her body. The urge to draw attention to herself, the need to feel as though she were superior. In an outfit like that, she felt like eyes were being drawn to her and it fueled her confidence, regardless of that actually happening or not. And with this sort of confidence in herself, she exuded an attitude that made her come off as a snob, despite the fact that she was feeling rather insecure and terrified.

Her eyes fell on the boy that she felt she knew in a much deeper way but now gazing at his face, she felt like a distance as far as the Grand Canyon now stood between them. Her interest in him slowly slipping away, a fragile and weak bond, like the slightest wind could just blow it away like it had never been there. The chatterbox that she remembered him to be, so carefree and full of life. The boy who loved to travel and expected the world to be his playground now looked as if he’d aged ten years in the last five months.

A small smile played at her lips. Despite her disheartening disposition, she could not help herself but fall for a compliment that came her way. She was rather shallow in that sense but it made her feel good, regardless of the fact that Russell may be lying through his teeth. He very well may already know that jokes teasing her snobbish behavior would not go unforgotten and only way to rectify matters were by paying her a compliment. Shallow, very shallow indeed. Even his small gesture put a small flutter at the pit of her stomach. It was never to late to input a sweet gesture to rectify with her. “I guess it’s what people call life,” she gave him a decent smile. “I’m finally living for a change.” She set her beer next to her, and crossed her hands together on top of her knees as she gazed closely and intently on the boy. “But look at you. It seems life’s been sucked out of you,” she bluntly said but with a tone of sincerity.

STATS
TAG ;; russ
WORDS ;; 615
OUTFIT ;; swimsuit
MUSE ;; upset doesn’t help my writing ..
NOTE ;; !@#$%^&*

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[russ]

In truth, it was not Cassidy who changed. She was every bit as alluring as she had always been. Her youthful laughter could be ignored by few, and Russ was no exception. There was just something so lively about her, and she was very accomplished in making people want to be around her. You catch more bees with honey? Well, Cassidy had it by the bucket load. Even if it was just a purchased commodity that she set out on show to get her way. Unfortunately, Russ could not believe his dear friend capable of this, and sincerely thought that she would be concerned with what was going on in his life at the moment. She had come all this way just for an afternoon… right?

Which left to question: could Russ really open up to her about what he knew? Like so many had done for him, he knew he could not tell her that the boogeyman and the monster in the closet were real. It was something you came to gradually, or had thrust in your face in full force because you found yourself in some inconvenient situation. Russ had experienced both of these. He had really done him a disservice, having to deal with knowing the truth all along and convincing himself that he didn’t just so he could have that startling surprise and introduction to what things were really like. Only a little escapist like him could manage it, he was sure. As sure as he was that Cassidy would think he was outright insane if he told her what was going on, what had kidnapped that life from his energy.

No, he could definitely not say anything. And he had known this even before they met up. So that meant he had to be here clinging to a hope that he could be the same as he was before. Blissfully ignorant. But there was no going back. And even something in Cassidy’s tone, but moreso in her eyes, proved that he wasn’t what he used to be. They had lost the promise of remembering who he was and what they had. In one go, she confirmed all that he feared. That he would drift away to nothingness, having left no mark on the world. Maybe if Russ had known that she was hardly the person to judge this by, it might have made him feel better. But then, it might have made him feel worse. While she might feel negatively towards him right now, Russ could not have been more touched by the misunderstood gesture of her coming to see at a simple request.

Maybe that was what had him draining the bottle in his hand instead of answering her immediately. He just wanted the feeling to go away, wanted her to start acting the way she used to towards him so he could try and revive the old Russ. Get a taste of what foolish ignorance used to feel like. [white] “I just have a lot going on.”[/white] He answered, dismissively, setting his empty bottle at his feet and flashing a toothy grin at her. [white] “But you don’t want to hear about all that. Nothing my little party girl would be interested in, I’m sure.”[/white] Turning towards her slightly, so his knee knocked against hers, Russ was not at all aware of how she felt earlier about putting his arm around her shoulders. He had that blissful ignorance he sought, as he took her hand gently and continued to grin at her. [white] “And where have you been off exploring to? I’m sure much more fascinating places than me. I’ve only been able to afford jumping around the states. They all start looking the same, after awhile.”[/white]

[cewhite]

The word changing was only applicable to the constant changing of outfits in her daily routine. Otherwise, such words fell obsolete in her vocabulary. She, in other words, was constant in her lifestyle and personality. That could possibly be considered one of a few good traits she had. She knew who she was, even if it was a false sense of portrayal of herself to avoid having to deal with her real issues and problems, but to object to that, she was rather a shallow person with no real deep thoughts. So, to make full circle again, she was being true to herself, more or less. And to think that any other persons were capable of change was not probable. In her mind, the process of change began from birth to about the age of 15. How she got that number, by all means, she pulled it out of a magician’s hat. So Russ’ capability of change was slightly higher than the chance of winning a thirty million dollar lottery all to one’s self. So, this notion of Russ acting differently was all rather peculiar.

To Cassidy, outside her visual perception, the world was dead. Once a person left her circle of physical activity, they no longer existed, only waiting to get back into action when Cassidy was in need of his or her assistance. Why bother thinking about the things one can’t see or have any physical connection too when there was so much right in front of them that had to be dealt with, mainly and particularly when Cassidy was involved. She’d never admit to it nor would she have anyone else state the obvious - she’s lived a sheltered life. It was not her fault and yet entirely her fault that she’d built this sort of fantasy world that she lived in. So, to imagine what Russ may have been through while they were apart was beyond her. In all cases, he turned into a blob of nothingness until they had first met for this little outing. Needless to say, that would also mean her interactions with the supernatural was very minimal or gone unseen and unaware.

But in some small sense, Russell was different. Other than her parents, she made little, or no contact at all with people that went away. Despite her belief that the world revolved around her, she stayed in contact with this particular wanderer. His journeys almost inspired her to make her own stories. Despite, everything, Russell held a dear spot in Cassidy’s heart, even if it was a small dusty corner of it, she’d remember him forever and with hope, they’d remain quite fondly. Even now as he slowly picked at her heart, made his space in her heart a little smaller by the moment, she’d care for him and if another opportunity came to see his face and make another trip such as this one, she’d see in him a heartbeat. That was a scary notion to play in Cassidy’s mind. Perhaps this was the fuel that fed her resentment towards him as they spoke. She’d find reasons to deny him her attention so that he’d leave her mind forever.

Her eyes remained on the boy’s face. She tried to read his mind but at the same time completely frightened by the way he was acting. And the way his knees brushed against hers reminded of their intimate times together back in New York. How she yearned for them now but afraid to ask out of rejection. Her first reaction was to be offended, that her intentions for being concerned about him were so easily dismissed, but with such a grin, she couldn’t help but return the favor. Had he not revealed a hint of what he was in the past, she might have stomped off and back into the cabin for the remainder of their time together. Feeling the warmth of his hands wrap around hers gave a pleasant lift she was craving. She rubbed her thumb, gently against the side of his hand. “You know, if it weren’t for you, I’d be hidden away at Harvard, withering away, I imagine,” and with that she let out a soft laugh. “Oh, I so wished you to have been with me, traveling: L.A., Seattle, Grand Canyon, Atlanta, Salt Lake,” she listed off enthusiastically. “I have several more places I’d love to visit in the states but after that, the world: Iceland, Australia,” she smiled up at Russell then suddenly blushed in embarrassment. “A bit ambitious, huh?” Her gaze fell from his for a moment, then back up, “Oh, I do hope you’d join me,” she inquired quite casually but deep down wished it with all her heart, for the moment.

STATS
TAG ;; russ
WORDS ;; 790
OUTFIT ;; swimsuit
MUSE ;; pooey
NOTE ;; you like??

[russ]

[And you thought I wouldn’t/couldn’t do it. One paragraph, baby. You remember this next time you try to beat me. XP]

Russ wasn’t sure how he felt about being ‘responsible’ for her skipping out on her acceptance to such a prestigious school, but the gentle embrace of his touch as her thumbs glided easily over his skin and her enthusiasm in wishing he would just run away with her to such amazing places he could never hope to afford in such a short span of time… it hardly seemed ambitious when she would be doing this all on her parents’ dime. Grinning, Russ nodded, and jokingly agreed, [white] “That does sound amazing. Why don’t you call up the chopper so they can airlift us out of here and whisk us away?”[/white] And a part of him wished he really could. That he was still capable of the easy and unremorseful escape that he was when he started this journey. But he could not run away. Not this time. Not even for Cassidy. Now he had to live for himself, to make choices that he knew had life-altering consequences he could not predict but would have to accept. Man, how he envied her right now. She could have all the money in the world, but it was the guiltless freedom that he wanted back. But knowing she was more than in the position to take him up on his agreement, Russ’s smile faded to seriousness again to prevent her from jumping up for her cell phone. [white] “But you know it doesn’t really matter where we are… it’s the running that has been so attractive. I just… don’t know if I can do it anymore.”[/white] Searching her eyes for comprehension, maybe a glimmer of her feeling this way too, he went on thoughtfully. [white] “Australia can wait. I just wish I could find happiness in a moment… whatever moment I’m in… does that make any sense?”[/white] His brow furrowed as he looked at her, wondering if his affinity for her was misplaced, or if she really could identify with what he experienced despite the monetary barriers.

[cewhite]

Cassidy would never admit that Russell was the reason for her sudden interest in travel. Before that, she’d actually had been looking forward to starting at Harvard, whether she got in on her own accord, or had a little help from father dearest. After all, she’d heard so many rather interesting stories about the college life, even if her life would not be categorized with most other people’s experience since her father had arranged an apartment that could house 3 people very comfortably. She was looking forward to the late nights, sorority and fraternity parties, flirting with professors, going out for some coffee with some college mates, etc. Minus the schoolwork that was involved, it sounded rather adventurous (besides, she’d probably just hire someone to do all her homework). But it all seemed to change the summer before school when fate seemed to bring her back to the boy she had met randomly at the foot of former President Lincoln. It was almost as if it was meant to be and regardless of his intentions, Russell had left a rather sizable impression on the trapped girl, she only needed a little encouragement.

Other than her little world of luxury and riches, she didn’t know much else. Sad to say the least, and contrary to what she would like others to believe, she lived a very sheltered life. Nothing ever really bad had happened to her. She’s always gotten what she wanted and then some more. Like the time when she wanted a pony, she got that plus a small stable, trainer and some lessons. What Russell brought into the equation was a window. A window in which she looked through to see a vast world she had never really seen. Against her wishes, Russell had taken her into a small diner that she’d never be caught dead in and yet she found it rather enjoyable, and the food was really cheap. Small things like that made Cassidy wonder what she was missing out on. Of course, she liked the finer things in her life and nothing in the world could ever separate her from the world she grew up in but now, every so often, she liked to test her feet in something a little less luxurious for something more common (even a boat like the one they were sitting in).

Of course, when this dormant side of her was awoken, she imagined she’d be traveling with Russell as a companion. She probably would’ve experienced the more cheaper side of traveling, while Russ a more comfortable one, but despite it all, Cassidy found it hard to live more like the commoner. She missed the Russell element of it. And now back here with him, she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed in the way things were progressing. Although with his touch, it soothed her worries and she wondered if things were going to go back to the way they were, and that it had just been a slow start. Her heart fluttered to hear him say such things. She could easily call her chopper, well her father’s and ask them to be picked up. She’d go as far as canceling all her previous plans to do such things. But the glory was short-lived. Her gaze fell now, to their hands. Her head tilted to the side in wonderment.

She’d never really been denied anything, which even included the company of a person. Russell had just denied her what she wanted and in some small way, she held on to her senses knowing that there was something deeper than her desires. She wasn’t quite familiar with such notion but she slowly gazed up at him. “Don’t I make you happy? I mean, isn’t that why you called me? Or,” she paused for a moment, trying to search his face for answers but at the same time fearing for what it might be. “Is there someone else, maybe, some thing else that’s stopping you from going away with me?” She’d much prefer it being the thing and not the one but not even Cassidy, who lived in her own little world, could not deny the possibility of there being another girl, and yet, her mind could not wrap itself around the idea that this might not even be about a girl but something much bigger; that there was a world out there full of the supernatural that she was not even the slightest aware of.

STATS
TAG ;; russ
WORDS ;; 744
OUTFIT ;; swimsuit
MUSE ;; pooey
NOTE ;; you like??

[russ]

Although Russ believed in his dear, sweet-faced friend, who could be said to be anything but innocent, it had crossed his mind that Cassidy White would get accepted into Harvard University regardless of her grades, determination, and focus. Who in their right mind would not sacrifice a spot on their class rosters for the rich benefactor daddy who would be coming along with the fair eighteen-year-old. So she would be spending more time partying than studying; so she would be getting some smitten or professional acquaintance to get her through school… no one said no to Cassidy White. And as far as Russ knew, even he had never said no to her. But for as understanding as he could be, for as much abuse he could take from his friends, the subtleties of his denial escaped him. Because, as far as he knew, they were still close friends and she was ‘there’ for him. How was he to know she was serious? People in the normal world? They didn’t whisk you away to unfamiliar places… oh wait…

But even Australia and Iceland were a bit rich. It was one thing to shack up with her at the convenient price of a daily fuck, but to go to another country? She knew she would have to pay his way to do that, and as sure as he was that she would… even he could not take advantage of such a wealthy friend like that. It was just… weird. Even between them. It was this familiarity he had with her relationship with money that led him to rent a boat way out of his price range. He probably would have been feeling about as hurt as she was if he could read minds too. Perhaps it was a good thing that neither of them could. Because if this went well, it would have all been for naught anyways.

Releasing one of her hands, Russ laughed at the tone of uncertainty in her voice and the intent stare she fixated him with. Using his hand to push back his sunglasses into his hair, he shook his head, but mostly as a distraction. He hated seeing her like that, and he could not help to appropriately feel like he was partially responsible for it. [white] “You’ve got no idea.”[/white] As much as he would like to tell her the truth, he felt that he had to protect her from it. But then, he had been the one so delusional… maybe more people knew about what was going on than he thought… maybe she was protecting him and he had no new news to tell her. It was too soon to test those waters.

Leaning back and taking in the gentle ebb of the boat, Russ rested his head against the railing and closed his eyes. [white] “You must not realize what a relief it is to be out here with you. Sometimes I feel like I’d be happy if I could really escape forever.”[/white] Lifting his head with a cracked grin, he met her with a michevious glint in his eyes.[white] “Now you’ve got to answer my question.”[/white] Releasing the lasting grip on her hand, he slipped it up to her back and ran a finger inside the hem of the halter-top against her shoulder blade. [white] “Did you pick this up for my benefit, or are you going to pull a ‘this old thing’ if I decide to compliment it?”[/white]

[cewhite]

If Cassidy were such person to pick up on signs, if she were more in tuned with other people’s emotions and not so much into herself, she probably would picked up on the fact that Russell was evading the real issue by shifting subjects. But she wasn’t, and Russell definitely kept hitting on the right subjects (and her favorite), herself and fashion. Like a cool breeze, her concerns were swept away by the mention of her outfit. It may have lingered but a second or two but the pressing weight of her swimsuit pushed it aside, to be shoved to the back of her mind, placed in a box that held the memories of her father and mother.

A smile crept her lips. She wasn’t quite sure if she should smile or not. An unexplainable disgruntled feeling left at the pit of her stomach like something was missing. She let out a little laugh and shook her head. As she grazed her hand down the side of her body, “No, this isn’t old, and in fact, it was for you,” her smile widened as she brought them up to meet his eyes. “Do you like?”

STATS
TAG ;; russ
WORDS ;; 196
OUTFIT ;; swimsuit
MUSE ;; pooey
NOTE ;; meh.. it's short but what you gonna do?? ;]

[russ]

If Cassidy were such a person to pick up on signs, she would not be the escape Russ was looking for today. It was her dismissive personality, letting him say something that would be obviously riddled with more plaguing his mind than most would let him get away with, that had him think immediately of her when he wanted to pretend to run away. It was not entirely that she was the only one he knew with the capability to come out here from anywhere the day before… that was just a happy coincidence that made it a reality. If it could not have been her, he probably would have stayed at the cabin the entire time and kept everything bottled up until it reached a point he was unfamiliar point. A point that he allowed an earnest situation to consume him without the smallest escape. It was actually frightening to think what might happen to him if he was forced to endure seriousness for too long. He was not sure he knew how to deal with gravity.

It had occurred to him once before that perhaps that was why he enjoyed the simplicity of appreciating the female form so much. There was just such unimaginable beauty captured by a woman’s body, and Russ had had the good fortune of knowing some of the most arguably stunning. Letting his finger linger against her back, he grinned smugly, as though how good she looked had anything to do with him. [white] “Yes, I really do.”[/white] Leaning forward with a playful expression and invading her space again, [white] “In fact, there’s only one way I can really imagine it might look better.”[/white]

[cewhite]

His touch tingled her senses as she welcomed it. She was ready for a time of relaxation and pleasures, not that her life ever ceased to enjoy such luxuries. The lifestyle her parent’s money allowed was that of a unique one, one that only the rich could enjoy. But time away with Russell was always an exception. One that she looked forward too. One that, in true scared her the most, but of course, only concerned her when he plagued her thoughts which wouldn’t linger long after their separation. Granted, it would be longer than most but her attention span compared to a squirrel.

At least out in the open, her mind would truly be set on the boy next to her. She wished to experience every bit of the Russell she knew, and she’d take advantage of the time they were to spend together. It was not for long but some time was better than none and who knew how long it would be before their next meeting. She’d have to soak all of him in before they departed and moved on their own paths till they would cross again.

She smiled, leaning towards him, further closing the little gap between them. “I didn’t take you for giving fashion tips but do share. How do you imagine this looking better?”

STATS
TAG ;; russ
WORDS ;; 221
OUTFIT ;; swimsuit
MUSE ;; pooey
NOTE ;; meh..