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Post by Sastre Quicksilver on Jul 27, 2011 21:09:36 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Sastre Quicksilver So take what I left you for the pain
And do your best to forget my name... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It took every ounce of Sastre's not-inconsiderable willpower not to pull away from Brennan's touch.
God, she'd had no idea it would be like this... She knew that physical contact was difficult for her now, especially with men--even Florian was unable to touch her, and she loved and trusted him completely--but she'd hoped that, with Brennan, it would be okay. But she knew from the terrified, churning, sick feeling in her stomach that it wasn't, and she wondered if it ever even would be.
Clenching her eyes shut, Sastre ran through every single one of the mental calming exercises that Florian had taught her during their time in the wilderness. While each one seemed to help for a split second or two, none of them was able to completely rid her of the terror that swept through her at so simple a thing as Brennan's arm around her, or her hand gently rubbing Sastre's back.
It didn't matter... All she felt when Brennan touched her was horrified disgust, and all she saw against her closed eyelids were the hellish memories she's been fighting so hard to overcome.
Finally it was just too much, and Sastre pulled away, the action perhaps a bit harsher than she'd intended. Standing to her feet, she began pacing back and forth across the room, her eyes still clenched tightly shut, her lips moving silently as she tried in vain to gain control over her emotions. It was no use, though, and finally she gave up and simply moved to lean against the wall opposite the bed, and Brennan, pulling her trench-coat tighter around herself.
"Sorry," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper and her eyes downcast, the first true and open expression that she'd shown since her arrival. "I can't... I'm not so good with the whole 'touching' thing any more." Before an awkward silence could fall between them, and before Brennan could ask any potentially painful questions, Sastre quickly changed the subject.
"You have nothing to apologize for, Brennan," she said, looking back up and meeting the other woman's eyes finally. "You followed the your part of the plan, and so did I. We knew there could be casualties, after all... At least we're both still here."
Finally that awkward, heavy silence that Sastre had been dreading fell, and she once again lowered her eyes. A year of training, of learning to control her emotions and to maintain a calm, cool facade had all seemingly just flown out the window in the face of this reunion. All of that hard-won control was simply gone, and at this point, Sastre wasn't entirely sure she knew how to get it back.
She wasn't entirely sure she even wanted to...
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Post by Abigail Faraday-Brennan on Aug 16, 2011 21:05:19 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i53.tinypic.com/x1k6fl.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] What's the point of being alive, If all I want is out? What do you do when you've got nothing left? It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all
It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself With one motion, the fragile hope Brennan had been clinging to shattered all over again, throwing her into lost uncertainty once more. She drew back at the hunter’s violent withdrawal, wrapping her arms around her knees and watching her in concern as she paced the room in agitation, lips moving silently. What the hell had just happened? This wasn’t the Lily that Brennan knew. She had thought that surely, despite all the changes she’d undergone, the hunter would still respond to her touch. After all, no matter how bad things got, no matter how mad they were, or how tired, wasn’t that the one thing that had always reached the other, no matter what? And now Sastre had acted as if Brennan had assaulted her with something vile and worthy of fear and disdain. Something was terribly wrong here. What had happened while she’d been gone? Brennan longed to ask, but one look at the haunted expression lingering behind the hunter’s eyes convinced the witch to hold her tongue. The expression was made all the more glaringly obvious by the expressionless façade she had held firmly in place up until this point. And the worst part was, there was nothing she could do about it. No words would fix what was broken inside her, and the chances of the witch getting her to open up about the ordeal were next to none. The only comfort she could offer was a supportive touch, a relaxing massage, an understanding embrace when no words could hope to be enough. And now even this was denied her. But she had to try. If Lily still existed in there somewhere, no matter how deeply she was buried, then Brennan had to try. She couldn’t give up now, not after finding that her most farfetched hopes were indeed reality. In truth, the thought of losing Lily now, no matter her form, made Brennan physically ill. The past several months had not been kind to the ailing witch, and her encounter with the tenacious demon had nearly pushed her over the edge completely. Brennan could no more turn her back on this unexpected lifeline than she could have repaired her shattered mental state. But maybe… just maybe they could fix each other. Provided the hunter still wanted anything to do with her. She was still Sastre now, and Sastre Quicksilver worked alone, always. Long ago, Brennan’s wife and lover had promised that if the time ever came for her to carry her father’s name that things would be different. That they’d make it work, somehow. Looking now at the woman before her, Brennan wondered if that was true. She was so different, now… Brennan was so different now. Would she even want to pick things up again? If she had come here expecting to find the same light-hearted, fun loving partner she remembered, she was in for a disappointment. Brennan had not been that person for a very long time. She wasn’t sure she even remembered how to be. Had she inadvertently ruined everything? Pushing aside her fears, Brennan raised her eyes to the hunter’s and spoke, working to keep her voice level and devoid of emotion. lest she betray her underlying terror. “So… what happens now? Where do we go from here?” |
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Post by Sastre Quicksilver on Sept 6, 2011 11:19:16 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Sastre Quicksilver So take what I left you for the pain
And do your best to forget my name... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sastre let out a long, slowly sigh, her arms instinctively wrapping around herself and rubbing her shoulders.
Slowly, uncertainly, she made her way back across the room to sit on the edge of the bed, back straight, body tense. She left enough room between herself and Brennan to be comfortable, to be safe, but she was still obviously a bit uneasy. Finally giving up on keeping her expressionless mask in place, Sastre sighed again and looked down rubbing her face wearily.
"What happens now?" Sastre asked, repeating Brennan's earlier question. "Well... I'd thought we'd try and pick up where we left off," she answered honestly, and hopefully. "I mean, it won't be easy, I know, and... and a lot has changed, but..."
Sastre shook her head, her words failing her. This was so much harder than she'd thought it would be, and in all honestly she'd been expecting it to be hell. It still seemed a little unreal to be here, with Brennan, in this same room that they'd shared so many nights before everything had fallen apart...
No, everything didn't fall apart, she amended, her mask sliding back into place, it was taken from us...
"I know that we'd made plans to stop all this, and to settle down," when Sastre said this, her eyes flicked momentarily to her left ring finger of their own volition, her heart sinking a bit at the empty space once filled by her wedding ring, taken from her by the same monsters who had--
No, she chided herself, forcing the pain and shame down, burying it inside so deep that it couldn't hurt her any more, at least not for now.
"But I can't stop now, Brennan. Not now. Not any more." Her eyes rose again to meet the witch's, and though her expression remained one of cool detachment and indifference, her eyes burned with anger and hatred. "I won't stop until Darian is dead. I can't rest while he's out there, plotting... planning..." She shook her head, the fire in her eyes subsiding and her expression softening, if just barely.
"If that isn't what you want any more, then I understand..."
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Post by Abigail Faraday-Brennan on Oct 6, 2011 19:17:39 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i53.tinypic.com/x1k6fl.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] What's the point of being alive, If all I want is out? What do you do when you've got nothing left? If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It'll all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind Brennan nearly burst into tears all over again when Sastre admitted that she wanted to try to pick up the pieces of their shattered relationship. She wasn’t going to leave her alone again. She didn’t care that it wouldn’t be easy, that it might take a long, long time to get back to some semblance of what they’d had before. If they could at all. All that mattered right now was that Lily was alive, in some form, and she wanted to be with her. Everything else would fall into place, eventually. Wouldn’t it? Brennan’s stomach twisted as her one-time lover’s face drained of emotion again, her expression cold and unreadable. She caught the hunter’s quick glance, swallowing hard at the sight of her empty ring finger. It’s okay. This isn’t the end of the world… Obviously Sastre had also thought that Brennan had forsaken her, and the witch remembered all too well how hard it had been to wear her ring, especially in the beginning. It had almost been unbearable when old friends and acquaintances had commented on it, congratulating her and beaming with excitement. It had been a long time before she felt up to watching the shop on her brief visits home, and more than once she’d considered taking it off and sparing herself the trouble. But she had never felt right without it there, and somehow it made her feel a little closer to her lost partner. To put it away, out of sight, even if only on a chain around her neck, seemed wrong. But if Sastre felt differently… she guessed she couldn’t blame her. And anyway, Sastre Quicksilver was supposed to stand alone, free of any connections or burdens. It would be impractical for her to continue to wear her ring now that she was upholding the name. The thought still stung, but Brennan shoved it down, vowing that she wouldn’t do anything to make Sastre regret her decision to bring her along. After the year-long hell Brennan had already endured, she didn’t think keeping up with the driven young hunter would be as much of a problem as it had been before, at least. The heartbroken witch had spent so much time throwing herself into hunt after hunt after hunt that she’d all but forgotten what it was like to slow down and relax once in awhile. To enjoy sitting still, free from the awful pain that would eventually overwhelm her and spoil things. Brennan glanced up as the hunter spoke of their ruined plans and was already shaking her head vigorously before she had a chance to stop speaking. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine,” she assured her. Catching her eye a moment, Brennan carefully watched her expression, praying this wasn’t just some gesture born of guilt and some sense of responsibility. Brennan had survived losing her once, barely, and she couldn’t bear the thought of being led along out of pity. Once Sastre realized that it had all been a mistake and decided that it was best that they parted ways… Brennan really didn’t think she could handle losing her a second time. But if she was serious – if she really truly wanted to try and make this work again – then Brennan would do whatever it took to stay with her. “I’m uh…”Dropping her eyes a moment and rubbing her face, Brennan forced herself to continue. “I’m not who I was… The same as I used to be. But if… If this is really what you want – If I’m really who you want – then I’ll do whatever you want me to.” Dropping her eyes again, Brennan wrapped her arms around herself, her voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t lose you again.” |
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Post by Sastre Quicksilver on Oct 20, 2011 11:59:50 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Sastre Quicksilver So take what I left you for the pain
And do your best to forget my name... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sastre noticed the mixed emotions that played over Brennan's features.
She cursed herself for letting her eyes drop to her ring finger, but it was a habit that she couldn't seem to break, whenever she thought about Brennan and what they'd had. Of course Sastre had noticed that the witch was still wearing her ring, and that only made her feel worse for having lost her own, though it had really been no fault of hers. The ring had been stolen from her by one of her "keepers" and no doubt had found itself sold off for a pretty bit of cash...
A shudder passed involuntarily through her, and she frowned a bit.
When Brennan spoke about not being the same, and about doing whatever Sastre wanted her to do, the blonde hunter’s lips twitched into a slight smile. She’d never thought that Brennan would want her back… In fact, she’d convinced herself that the witch had undoubtedly moved on, found some better, more suited to her than Lily had been. That thought had caused Sastre countless hours or grief, and eventually all she could do was shove the pain down as deep as possible and continue on, losing herself in her training and her work…
But that wasn’t what had happened, and Brennan still wanted her, and maybe—someday—everything really would be okay…
Taking a deep breath to steel herself and get a grip on her erratic emotions, Sastre slowly—hesitantly—reached out and took Brennan’s hand, her own shaking nervously. Letting out a long, slow sigh, Sastre brushed the other woman’s hand lightly with her thumb, meeting her eyes and letting her mask drop, if just for a little while.
“You won’t lose me again, Brennan. I promise.” Swallowing hard and lowering her eyes, she added softly, “And… about my ring… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lose it… I didn’t mean to hurt you… But it’s gone now. Taken. I’m sorry."
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Post by Abigail Faraday-Brennan on Apr 17, 2012 0:06:44 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i53.tinypic.com/x1k6fl.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] What's the point of being alive, If all I want is out? What do you do when you've got nothing left? Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice
You've made it now Brennan really wasn’t sure what to expect from this new incarnation of Sastre Quicksilver, this strange and alien woman who had been her wife. But as her carefully controlled mask fell away and she suddenly found herself looking into Lily’s eyes, Brennan’s heart lurched. So long she had waited, hoped, longed for, and finally given up on this moment. Somewhere in the back of her head, she had always hoped that Sastre… Florian… had been wrong, or had some reason to deceive her. Though she hunted mostly as a means to occupy her mind, if she was really honest with herself, she couldn’t deny that some part of her hoped to find her somewhere. It had been a stupid wish, she knew that. But nevertheless, it was one she had been unable to shake since she had pulled herself together enough to get back on the job. Nothing had ever come of it until now. Brennan still couldn’t believe Lily was sitting here in front of her. And as her one-time lover reached forward to take her hand, Brennan squeezed her eyes closed as it really hit her for the first time. This was what she had dreamed about and longed for over the last year. This physical contact was worth so much more to her than words, and slowly the witch relaxed, finally registering how badly Lily’s hand was shaking. She could only imagine how hard even this small thing must be for the young woman, and, giving her hand a squeeze, she slowly drew her hand away, not wanting to cause her further discomfort. As she did so, Brennan glanced up and flashed Lily a ghost of a smile, trying to aim for reassuring. “It’s alright, L… Sastre. I know it wasn’t your fault. That’s what the enchantments were for, so we could get them back in case anything ever…”Brennan trailed off as if she wanted to skip spelling it out, but in reality, her mind had flicked to the one major flaw in this whole plan. Well, technically there were two major flaws, but the most immediate was her inability to cast even the simplest of spells. She might have built up her stamina over the last year, but she had no illusions about trying to keep up with Sastre physically. She had been a machine before all of the fancy training, and Brennan could only imagine what she was capable of now. How would she ever be able to pull her weight as a partner if her magic was gone? She couldn’t. But she’d have to find a way somehow. Not only to keep up with Sastre, but also to figure out how to break the news to her. Would she leave again when she found out Brennan wasn’t nearly as capable as she had been before? Even if she left to hunt with every intention of regularly stopping in to see her, Brennan didn’t know if she could handle the separation. Knowing she was out there on the hunt, not knowing if she was still alive or if she’d run into trouble, was so much worse than knowing she was dead. And there was more than just her own well being to think about these days. If Brennan was nervous about how Sastre would take the news about her malfunctioning powers, it was nothing compared to the dread of telling her about Allison. Allison, who she was never supposed to know about. Brennan was sure that Lily would already have told her about the little girl if she’d meant to, and from what she’d been able to piece together about everything that had happened, it must’ve been incredibly difficult on the young woman. What would she say if Brennan brought everything back up again, especially since she wasn’t supposed to know anything about it? Brennan cleared her throat, wanting to buy herself some time before she had to answer these difficult questions. “So, what did you have in mind, anyway? Were you planning on heading right back out again, or did you have something else in mind?” |
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