The Road to Recovery (Madison)

[Florian Raniari]

Sastre felt his stomach twist when she looked up at him and smiled sleepily.

As her hand came up to run along his cheek, he closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself get lost in the sensation. Her fingers seemed to leave trails of fire where they'd touched him, and he sighed contentedly as he opened his eyes once more and looked down at her. He became quickly and easily lost in her gaze. When their lips met, he couldn't help himself. Wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her closer, his body shuddering as he held her.

Well damn, he'd obviously fallen asleep...

Still, he'd take advantage of the dream for as long as he could. As he kissed her, he suddenly became aware of several things all at once: the warmth of her body and lips against him, the scent of her hair and its softness as his hand crept up to run through it, the deep ache in his left leg that seemed to throb in time with his hearbeat.

Wait, what?

The ache he was intimately familiar with. It came from an old break that hadn't been set properly, and it still plagued him from time to time. It was so constant, so regular, that he barely paid it any mind any more. What had startled him, though, was the fact that he'd never remembered the leg bothering him before in his dreams. In fact, that was sometimes the only way he could tell if he was dreaming or awake, by how much pain he was in at any given time.

So...

He opened his eyes as Madison broke the kiss and pulled away self-consciously. Sastre knew in that moment, as he saw the blush creeping into her features, that he was very much awake, and had been the entire time. The arm that he'd slipped around her fell unceremoniously to rest on the couch beside him, and he was sure that the expression on his face was one of dumbfounded amazement.

When the young woman stood up and spoke haltingly, Sastre couldn't even hear the words she said. His mind was pretty well fried at that point, and he could do nothing to stop her as she quickly turned away and headed into the kitchen. Still, even as she walked away, Sastre could do nothing but sit stupefied on the couch.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he leapt to his feet and made his way after her, stopping to stand at the entrance of the kitchen. There she was, her back to him, working away, her hands trembling just a bit. He couldn't be entirely sure, but it seemed like she might even be cursing a bit under her breath... A smile crept over his lips, and he walked toward her, slowly.

As much as he wanted this to be real, to be true, he had to be sure. The idea of a woman as stunning as Madison being interested in someone like him just didn't seem possible. She was beautiful, and caring to the point that she seemed to forget about her own hurts and needs while putting everyone else's first. But, like him, there was a shadow following after her, one that prevented her from being truly happy. Of all the people Sastre knew, he couldn't think of anyone who deserved to be happy more than Madison. It was why he'd stayed, even though he knew she'd be in danger: he was no fool, he knew that his presence here made her feel safe, and happy, but he'd never even entertained the idea that her feelings could have run like this...

If they really did, and she hadn't just been disoriented after her sleep.

"Madison," he said softly, gently taking her hands and pulling her away from her work. "What happened, back there... Why?" He tried to meet her eyes, but she wouldn't face him, and he could sense her discomfort. "Madison please... I have to know. Why did you do that?"

[madison]

I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way out

Madison had been laying out the makings for sandwiches, softly muttering to herself about what an idiot she was. Sastre was sure to leave now. She didn’t even glance over to the couch, not wanting to see the expression on his face. Sastre was her friend and Madison knew he cared about her, but she also knew there was no way he could possibly care about her the way she cared about him.

Sastre was ruggedly handsome, a seasoned man and hunter. Madison was practically naïve when it came to most everything in the world except for maybe medicine. Even then she was starting to realize that what she thought was modern medicine was really nothing compared to the other healing techniques out there. If it hadn’t been for Remy, Sastre would probably still be in a coma.

When he came over and gently took her hand Madison kept her gaze down, her cheeks flushing once more. She was frightened of what she’d see in his eyes. That lingering look of a friend that says basically says they care about you, but not in the way you want. Not in the way you need.

When Sastre asked why, Madison bit her lip keeping quiet for a moment. She could lie. Say it was a mistake that she hadn’t meant to do it. Except it hadn’t been, at least not to Madison. Even now she could still feel the soft sensation of his lips on hers. She licked her lips absently and closed her eyes, knowing that if she wanted to, Madison couldn’t lie to Sastre.

Taking a deep breath Madison leaned against the counter, but kept her hand entwined with his, her fingers running over his rough palms, calloused from years of wielding weapons and hunting down horrible things. “I…” She took another deep breath trying to build up the courage to tell him the truth, despite the rejection she knew was coming. “I’ve wanted to for a long time,” She blurted. “I care about you so much and I don’t know when it happened exactly, but somewhere along the line...” Madison shrugged letting the silence fill in the rest of the sentence. Then she waited quietly, her thumb brushing over his knuckles, for the rejection she knew was coming.

[Florian Raniari]

Sastre couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

He wondered again if he was dreaming, but the steady, constant throb in his leg reminded him that he was in fact still awake. But he couldn't have heard her right... She couldn't have said it, and if she had, then surely she hadn't actually meant it.

For God's sake, look at him! He was old, and broken, and had nothing to offer someone like her. He had literally nothing, not even a past, not even a real name, not any more. And she was so young... So successful and beautiful, and kind... His life was nothing but danger, and violence, and he was a killer. She was the opposite; she saved lives, and contributed in a positive way to society. He was nothing... He had nothing.

But he wanted her so bad...

Before his brain could warn him about what a bad idea it probably was, Sastre gently pulled Madison into his arms and kissed her lingeringly. He held her as carefully as he could, not wanting to cause her bruises to hurt her, but the truth was he could barely control himself. It felt so good, having her in his arms, her body pressed against him, her lips moving softly against his own.

He'd wanted this for so long...

Finally, when he felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, he pulled lightly away. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing heavily, his arms still wrapped about Madison. Sighing, he bowed his head, resting his forehead against hers, unable to speak.

He still wasn't sure that that had been the right thing to do, but come what may... It had been worth it.

[madison]

I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way out


It seemed as though the silence would never end. If Madison bit any harder on her lip she was going to draw blood as she waiting for the words that Sastre was no doubt going to speak. She imagined they would be kind words, and he would try to let her down gently. Madison would smile and say she understood, because she did. She knew Sastre had things to do. He wouldn’t want someone like Madison standing in his way.

Madison gave a little yip of surprise when Sastre pulled her against him, his lips pressing softly against hers. Her body melted into his embrace, the kiss making her heart race as she moved her hands, sliding them up his arms and clasping them around his neck. She moaned softly into his lips, the feeling so exhilarating and perfect.

When Sastre pulled her heart skipped a beat. She didn’t want it to stop. He rested his forehead against hers and she closed her eyes, her arms still wrapped around his neck, willing her heart to slow. Neither of them said anything like that for a long while. It seemed that just standing there, holding each other, that it was enough. Madison could have stayed like this with him forever.

Biting her lip, Madison pulled back just enough to look up at him, not wanting to lose the closeness they were sharing. “I..you…” She stumbled over her words and took a deep breath to collect herself. “I didn’t think you…I mean…do you?” Shaking her head Madison smiled and dipped her gaze shyly. “I didn’t think you’d want someone like me.”

[Florian Raniari]

He couldn’t respond to her words, not at first.

His eyes remained closed, and though his breathing had slowed and steadied, his heart was still pounding in his chest. A warmth had spread through his entire body when he’d taken her in his arms, and it still remained, accompanied by a slight trembling. He wondered for a moment if he was having a heart attack…

No, he’d felt this way before, though it’d been a long, long time ago…

Sastre had known that he’d been developing feelings for Madison, but he’d also thought that they were under his control. He’d obviously been wrong. The moment her lips had met his in the living room, all of his self-control had been scattered before the wind of… of this. But he had to relax, think clearly, and consider what would be best for Madison. Could he really let this happen? Should he?

God, he wanted her… needed her. But when had his needs ever been more important than his duty? Sastre Quicksilver couldn’t get involved with anyone. He’d already made that mistake once, and the lose that had resulted had cost him five years of his life lost to the bottle, and another twenty-odd years spent living in a state of self-imposed penance. Solphi had died, despite everything he’d done to protect her, and she’d been a hunter, even. How could he even consider putting Madison in that kind of danger? How could he protect her, when he could barely even protect himself?

Could he let his own selfishness win out over his sense of honor, of responsibility?

“Madison,” he finally said breathlessly, opening his eyes and gazing deeply into hers. “I do… but…” He stopped, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “You don’t know the kind of danger you’d be in. There are… there are things out there that would do anything to get at me, even if it meant going through you. And I’m not just talking about Darian, either.” He looked into her eyes again, trying to impress upon her the danger that followed him. “Older than Darian, Madison… Stronger than Darian.”

He stepped away from her, gently removing her arms from around his neck. Leaning against the counter, he clenched his fists. Part of him wished that things had never come this far… The rest of him wanted to do nothing more than hold onto the tenuous bond that had developed between Madison and him…

“Madison…” He tried to say more, but he lost his voice, and he cursed this life that he had to lead, not for the first time.

[madison]

At first Madison didn’t think Sastre was going to respond. She held her breath in the silence, scared of what he was about to say. It had been so long since her heart had felt anything other than what seemed to be everlasting pain that never dulled. Nor had she ever expected it to. Yet, Sastre had found a way to push some of the ache away, replacing it with happiness and hope. Those were two things Madison never honestly expected to feel again.

When he began speaking Madison finally let out the breath when Sastre admitted to caring for her. Then she saw the doubt creep in. The fear of something happening to her because of him, because of the things he hunted. She saw it in his eyes before he said it, and her heart sank a little when he pulled away.

Silently, Madison cursed herself for doing this to Sastre. She knew he had things to do. Madison hadn’t expected him to put them aside. Hell, she didn’t know what she expected. When she kissed him she hadn’t been thinking. When she woke and saw him there, still holding her, keeping the nightmares at bay, all she could feel was a strong love for him, and her lips seemed to use that against her.

Forcing a smile Madison went over, kissing his cheek gently, and squeezing his good arm reassuringly. “It’s okay, Sastre. I understand.” She did. Madison knew all too well about fear. Besides, what would happen if Steven found out? He would become violently angry, more so than usual and any hope she had to get her brother out of jail would be gone. Not to mention that he would try and go after Sastre.

Madison realized she was being selfish. No matter how much she cared for him, it was wrong of her to put him in this position. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but she could see the war raging inside of him, and Madison knew she was the one who had caused it.

"I'm sorry." She gently stroked his cheek. "I never should have put you in this situation."

Biting her lip Madison turned back towards the counter, working on the sandwiches again. Not that she was in the least bit hungry anymore. It felt like someone had dumped a five pound bag of sand into her stomach. It was something to keep her busy as she blinked back tears, angry with herself for putting them in this situation, and even angrier because despite all of the reasons they shouldn’t be together, Madison still wanted to be with Sastre.

[Florian Raniari]

With each second that passed, more and more of Sastre's crumbling self-control slipped away.

And, as this happened, it seemed that "Sastre's" worries were quickly being replaced by "Florian's" desire. He wanted her, and it had been a long, long time since he'd wanted anything for himself. He was so tired, and so heartsick, and all he wanted was to enjoy every second he had with Madison, no matter what.

Sure, Darian was coming for her, he knew that. But would his leaving really prevent that? The insane vampire had already drawn several conclusions about their "relationship" before there'd even been one, so what difference did it make if they decided to pursue their feelings for one another anyway? And Sastre knew that, even if he left now and never came back, Darian would still try and use Madison against him.

And what about the other things out there, things that might someday come for him? Well, they'd just have to deal with them when, and if, they decided to show up. He knew that Madison was willing to stand beside him, no matter what the dangers, even if she didn't really understand all of the risks. And he would protect her, or die trying...

Turning to study Madison as she prepared the sandwiches, he knew then and there that "Florian" had won. Approaching her from behind, he carefully wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and whispering into her ear.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Madison, not now... The idea of leaving... of having to go? It's been tearing me apart. All I want is to be with you, but I need to know that you understand the risks... That you understand that your life may be at risk." He paused, letting his words sink in before going on. "I can't promise that I'll be able to protect you from everything, Madison... But I know that I need you in my life now... I can't go back to living the way I was before."

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the back of her head and breathing in the scent of her hair, praying all the while that she'd be brave enough to live her life beside him, but knowing that he wouldn't blame her one bit if she wasn't.

[madison]

I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way out

Madison had just finished making the sandwiches when she felt Sastre’s arms slip around her. He pulled her close and she went with it, her eyes closing as she leaned against him. The warmth from his body seemed to spread through her somehow easing the aches in her body. She laid her arms over his as he began to speak. She listened in silence as he spoke, her heart lifting a little with each word.

It was as if the world suddenly tilted and everything was surreal. Almost dream like. Was this really happening? She had been dreading the day when he would leave and Madison would be alone again. She had been alone for so long, alienating her friends and family so that they wouldn’t know what Steven was doing to her. So that she would be able to help Justin.

Justin..The thought of her brother once again slipped into her mind and she wondered what he would think of this. He was the one always telling her to leave. That the price she was paying was too much. She had never believed him, thinking that the bruises were small in comparison to what she truly deserved. Besides, by doing so, she could right one of her wrongs.

No one had ever been able to convince Madison that this whole mess wasn’t her fault. Sastre though, made her feel like maybe she could have a second chance at being happy. Madison had thrown away her first chance, she didn’t want to lose this one. Whatever the consequences she wanted to be with him. Was that selfish of her? She didn’t know and at the moment, she didn’t care.

Turning in Sastre’s arms she looked deep into his eyes. Wrapping her arms around his neck she gave him a soft smile. “I know the risks, and I don’t care about them. We’ve both risked so much already, lost so much.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to lose you to. Not because we’re scared.” She ran her fingers through the back of his hair gently. “Fear has controlled me for a long time. I don’t want it to anymore. I just…I want you Sastre.” She shrugged lightly, wincing a little when her muscles pulled. “Just you.”

[Florian Raniari]

Sastre grinned.

He couldn't help himself, this just didn't seem like it should actually be happening. Still, as unbelievable as it was, he refused to let it get away from him. Here she was, the only woman he'd felt anything for since Solphi, and she was willing to risk herself to be with him, despite all of the obvious dangers. Madison was one in a million, and Sastre knew that he'd been blessed to find her.

Leaning in, he kissed her again, feeling positively buoyant. At his age, he'd never expected to feel this way again, yet here he was with a beautiful woman in his arms, a woman who accepted him for what he was and asked for nothing in return, nothing but him.

"Madison," he whispered, breaking the kiss. "You are... unbelievable..." He held her close, kissing the top of her head and heaving a huge sigh of relief. "And I can't imagine being any happier than I am right now."

[madison]

I can hear the devil call my name
Hopeless, I’m falling down
Filthy, I can’t wake up
I cannot hold on, I will not let go
Worthless, it’s over now
Guilty, there’s no way out

There was a distinct skip to Madison’s step. Okay maybe not a literal one, but somehow she felt lighter. Even at work they’d been able to tell the difference. People had commented about her smile, rarely having seen a real one. A certain glow seemed to come from within and spread out, and most people could see it. Not that Madison was trying to hide. The past few weeks with Sastre had been the closest thing to perfect Madison had felt in a long time.

It seemed so much had change, but there was still a pang of worry in her chest. Sastre had said she didn’t need to worry about Justin, but that was like telling him not to worry about Darian. Albeit for very different reasons. Madison didn’t want her happiness to cost her brothers freedom. Justin too, had seen a difference in her when she’d gone to visit him, and it had been the first time in a long time she’d seen a smile on his face as well.

Madison pushed the dark thoughts from her head as she worked in the garden. It had been a while since she herself tended the plants and it was time she got back on her responsibilities. Sastre had gone to run some errands and Madison was home alone. The knees of her jeans pressed into the dirt as she leaned over, pulling weeds out of the flower bed. She wiped a bit of sweat from her brow, still smiling and humming. It seemed that she was slowly starting to live again. In truth it was thanks to Sastre.

Her smile went wider as her mind went back to him. It always seemed to go back to him. Heart skipping a beat she shook her head as she imagined him sitting in the yard meditating. It was one of the reasons she wanted to start working on the garden again. Not that she didn’t enjoy it herself, but she also wanted to do it for him, so Sastre would still have a comfortable place to meditate.

Once the weeds were pulled, Madison stood with the bucket she had been tossing them into and went to dump them in the garbage. Turning to go back, she stopped dead in her tracks, the humming quickly died and she fear crept into her chest.

“Steven.” It was barely a whisper.

He smiled, his short, dark hair shaggy on his head. Taking a drag off his cigarette he leaned against the porch, leering at her. His slacks and tan button down shirt were wrinkled, his tie hanging crookedly from his neck. He wore a badge on his hip, one hand in his pocket. “Hey babe. Miss me?”

Madison had done her very best to avoid Steven. After Sastre and Madison decided to be together they had a talk about a few things. Steven was one of them. Though Sastre had promised not to go after him, the hunter couldn’t stand by and watch Madison come home with bruises anymore. That was when he promised to help Justin. So she’d been ignoring Steven’s calls, taking new routes, different routes each time she went out.

Dropping the bucket Madison turned to run in the house, but Steven came up behind her, one hand scooping around her waist pulling her too him. Madison went to scream, but his hand went over her mouth, his lips pressing against her ear. “Now come on, babe. You know I only like it when you scream in bed.”

She shivered in disgust as his lips pressed against her neck. He smelled of cigarette smoke and brandy, and Madison knew that this was anything but good. Opening the door, Steven shoved her inside and she turned to face him, slowly backing away.

A dark, amused smile spread across Steven’s lips. “You’ve been avoiding me.” He pulled out another cigarette and lit it up. “We had a deal Maddie girl. You come when I call and when I get your precious brother out of jail, you come back to me permanently.”

Madison swallowed thickly, putting the table between them and said nothing. She knew better. Anything she said would just anger him.
“So I had to ask myself,” Steven said, slowly approaching her, malicious intent filling his eyes. “What is it that would make Maddie break her end of the bargain? What could be more important than dear, sweet Justin?”

She continued moving back as he approached, her heart racing, fear trickling out of her pores. “Please, Steven…” When the words left her lips she instantly regretted.

His leer turned into a glare and before Madison knew what was happening Steven had a hand around her throat and slammed her into the wall. Her head bounced off the wall, stars dancing in her vision as Steven cut off her oxygen. She brought her hands up, gripping his wrist. “Please..” It was hoarse and croaked.

Dropping the cigarette Steven stepped on it, before back handing her across the face and throwing Madison to the ground. “Please? You begging me Maddie girl?” He looked at her in disgust. “Don’t worry I’ll make you beg. After you tell me the name of the man your screwing.”

Steven threw out his leg, the force of his kick making contact with Madison’s ribs. She screamed, curling in on her injured side while trying to push herself away from him. “I’m not having sex with anyone.” Her voice was high, frightened, but it was the truth. She and Sastre hadn’t taken that step. He was patient with her and they were happy just sleeping next to each other at night.

“Lying whore!” He kicked her again and Madison rolled trying to deter some of the force. “I can practically smell him on you!” Reaching to his waist, Steven removed his belt, wrapping it twice around his hand. “Who is he?”

Tears streamed down her face, her ribs searing in pain from the kicks, but she wouldn’t give up Sastre’s name. Steven seemed to sense that . The first lick from the belt glanced off her face, leaving a sharp stinging in her cheek. Madison raised her hands, protecting herself as best she could as the next one came slapping against the skin of her arms. She screamed and cried, but no matter how agonizing the pain, she would not give him Sastre.