In My Dreams Its You and Me

[Simone Winchester]

It was the end of yet another bright, sunshiny summer day. God, Simi was sick of them.

Some days it felt as if the world mocked her and the pain she felt. While others enjoyed the heat and basked in the beautiful weather, the young mother-to-be found it hard to coop. With mood swings that flucuated between full out crying spells to angry periods where she wanted to lash out at everyone and she'd tossed more than one dish across the room, she wished the world would just go away. At the very least, give her the courtesy of turning as cold and barren as she felt inside. It didn't seem right that there was still happiness and laughter in the world when it had been brutally ripped from her grasp. When the only thing that truly mattered in the world had ceased to exist.

As the days faded into weeks and time continued on, Simi had been unable to stay in the numb shell she'd errected. Realization that she was not going to join Ryder in the grave had set in along with the awareness that her grief could be harming the innocent babies she carried under her heart. That thought alone was enough to rip her from the fog and soon she was going through the phases of grief that the preacher who'd visited assured her was normal.

Like he had any clue.

She'd wanted to snort in his face and toss him right back out the door on his ass with all the talk about heaven and gods mercy. As far as she was concerned... God was just as guilty as the devil in the source of her pain. He'd allowed this to happen to a good man and he'd intentionally kept any way to save him away from his friends and family. He was a masochistic bastard who didn't care about any of them anymore and for that... he didn't deserve any sort of recognition from her, angelic decent or not.

An opinion that had, of course, scandalized the preacher and sent him packing just as effectively as a slamming door. Good. At least one thing had gone right!

From there, the flood of visitors had slowly trickled down to close family and friends. Gregg's visit had at least got her thinking again and although she was far from OK, it had forced her to think about something other than her grief. Namely, the two munch-kins that would soon be greeting the world and needed to have a mother who could at least coop with them. The birth had become something she fixated on in order to keep going through the motions each day and it was the reason she forced herself out of bed every morning. Her midwife had helped prod her along but telling her that if she allowed herself to be lazy, complications during birth might become a real issue. She needed to keep her strength up for the coming ordeal and laying in bed was not the answer.

So she got up and functioned. Somewhat.

With rapid fascination, she finished setting up the nursery and went wild buying things she would need after the babies arrived. She even took up teaching a few days a week at the Academy just to get out of the house and to avoid thinking. It wasn't perfect but at least... at least it got her through the days.

Every night though... Every night felt like an eternity. It was a time she longed for and dreaded equally. While others offered her rooms in their homes, Simi couldn't bear to sleep anywhere but the home she and Ry had made together. No matter what she did that day, she always came home to sleep in their bed. The bed they'd loved, laughed and played in. The bed where she never failed to dream of him every night. Where, at least, for a time she could see HIS face and feel his arms about her.... and .. unfailingly... wake up screaming as she watched him torn apart before her very eyes. It was heaven and hell, literally, in one.

Which, in fact, it was. Tonights dream was no different.

Slipping into bed from a long day and getting as comfortable as possible, Simi laid her head in RY's pillow and inhaled the fading scent of his cologne. Pregnancy and exhaustion eased even her conflicted mind and soon she was fading off into dreamland.

And it always started the same.

In the sleepy mirage, Simi would be walking in the sand off a beautiful coast. The sun would shine bright and she could feel a cool ocean breeze upon her flushed cheeks. The tide would crash about her feet and there was a playful skip was to her stride. Laughter and the sound of seagulls seemed to vibrate through the air and a deep, husky voice in her ear with cause her to spin about to find Ryder there. Immediately, happiness would flood her and they would loose each other in a passionate embrace. For what seemed like hours, they would play in the sand and surf like the two young lovers they were and all was right with the world.

And then.. it would change.

The weather around them would suddenly grow dark and cold with the winds picking up and the tide coming in with churning ferocity. Sand would blow up in their faces and gale forces would tug them apart until Simi felt Ry's hand slip from her own. Happiness turned to horror as she tried to see against the storm raging around them, desperately calling his name. Pushing against the wind, Simi would fight her way through the darkness, searching for him and hearing his voice call to her but never seeming to quiet reach him.

At least, at first.

Then, just as suddenly as the storm started, it would quit and she'd be lost in as sea of inky blackness. Instinct made her push through the veil because she knew... she just knew that Ry was near. She could feel pain ripping him apart and hear him calling to her. A call that she found impossible to turn away from and desperately followed. Right to the source where she found a maniacal face laughing at the pair of them even as it slashed and savaged Ry's body. It seemed to take horrific glee in the despair and pain it saw on their faces and nothing Simi did effected the scene. In fact, it was if she were only a figment in the world they were trapped in and even her powers had no effect against the brutality she was forced to watch Ryder go through. After the creature gathered what glee it could from her torment, the scene would shimmer and then Simi would suddenly find herself wide away and crying as if her soul was shattered.

Which she did again.

Coming awake with a sudden jerk and the sound of her own scream echoing in her ears, Simi struggled to sit up and breath. Tears streaked down her face and air constricted in her lungs as she clutched at Ry's pillow for dear life. God, she didn't see how it was ever going to get any easier, no matter what anyone said. The pain.. The horror... it was like reliving it every night and in a way.... Something she felt she owed to the man she loved because .. no matter what she suffered... It was nothing compared to what he no doubt was going through.

That thought alone was enough to make her shiver and she forced herself out of the giant bed. There would be no more sleep tonight, she knew, so she slipped into her robed and padded barefoot downstairs. A glance at the foyer clock showed that it was almost three in the morning so she headed for the kitchen. There was nothing to be done for it but a cup of tea might warm a bit of her chilled soul.

Hopefully.