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Post by Chevrolet Winchester on Dec 8, 2010 21:42:00 GMT -5
 Chey could see the almost instant changes in Bastian’s expression. She’d be silly if she hadn’t noticed them, but he never seemed to once turn it on her, he never once seemed angry or hurt by her. In fact he looked at her with love in his eyes and she really needed that. She needed to feel his lips press against hers and she really needed to here his heavenly voice break through the noise in her head once more. He pulled her closer and buried his head into her. She moved her head to let it rest gently against his, her hand moving to rest gently against his jaw, if for no other reason, just to feel like she had something to hold onto. He asked her what happened next and a sigh couldn’t help but force itself out of her. “I had a baby. I had her and I… I gave her up! This amazing little thing, this beautiful little girl that came from me, and I placed her in somebody else’s arms and watched them walk away with her.” Chey broke again, the tears coming out of her as she sobbed. She hated this feeling but she wasn’t sure she’d ever be free of it. Losing a child was like living each day with a part of you. Every time you start to feel happy it’s like you have to reprimand yourself because you don’t quite deserve it and every time you close your eyes you wonder what they’d look like, what they’d act like, what their laugh would be like. It was the slowest form of torture and Chey had been enduring it for nine months.
“I came up with all these reason’s as to why she’d be better off if I put her up for adoption and by the time I had everyone else convinced it was like, I would have been wrong to keep her because they were such good points. I was scared. I was so scared. He stuck around but he was never there for me, I mean to this day I swear he stayed with me just to make sure I did as I was told and didn’t tell anyone. I mean… Charlee and Jess know, but they also know that no one else could find out. Once I came home, I thought it would be easier. I thought I’d forget but I didn’t. Bastian I can’t. I can’t get that picture out of my head, I can’t get her out of my head.” Maybe she was torturing herself more than it was just simply hurting, but it was definitely hurting. It was hurting more than anything she’d known. It was moments like this that she wondered why she actually did do it. Why she let him force her. But at the time she wasn’t in any frame of mind to argue. He took advantage of the fact she was vulnerable, lost and weak. |
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Post by bastian on Dec 8, 2010 21:58:34 GMT -5
Bastian listened and then held Chey as she sobbed, then he listened some more and held her as she sobbed some more. At the moment he wasn't sure words would do anything. It seemed a lot of words had been spoken that put her in this predicament. Words that someone was gonna get punched in the mouth for. Possibly repeatedly. Possibly until he had no teeth. Then maybe Bastian would cut out his tongue. Yeah those all sounded like good ideas.
While the gears were turning in his head, Bastian kisses Chey and wiped away her tears, listened to her story, his heart growing heavy with each word. She had a child. He couldn't be upset. It was before she and him had gotten together. He wasn't exactly thrilled about the way it went down, but that wasn't her fault.
"Okay, Goose," He told her gently, still kissing her softly at random spots on her face. "It's going to be okay." At least he hoped it would be. It seemed like everything was falling apart lately and Bastian was doing his damndest to pick up the pieces. It just seemed like he couldn't do enough.
"So what happened when I walked in? What triggered all this?" He asked gently, carefully. Not wanting her to think he was interrogating her or angry with her. He wasn't. He just wanted to help.
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Post by Chevrolet Winchester on Dec 13, 2010 17:22:35 GMT -5
Chey wasn’t one to pile her problems on people normally, the opposite honestly but this time she really couldn’t help it. She didn’t know what was going on with Bastian, how could she? But god knew when she found out she was going to give him hell for not going to her. Chey had no room to judge people for not talking really now did she? She just wouldn’t want to feel like her boyfriend couldn’t turn to her if he needed her, if he was hurting. Chey knew she could turn to him she just. Now that it was out in the open, that it was done, it was just easier. She was so content with the way he was holding her and kissing her and just making everything feel better, feel okay. She knew she couldn’t stay in his arms forever, she knew it but that didn’t mean she had to accept or like it. Bastian asked her what happened when he walked in and the petite brunette in his arms simply shrugged her shoulders, her head shaking from side to side and her heart feeling heavy in her chest. “I think it’s just been a long time coming.” Chey bit her lips together, her tongue running over them nervously before a gentle sigh came from her. “There was a baby on TV and it was… I don’t know the combination of the crying and my own thoughts……..” She didn’t know how to say the next part, she didn’t know if she was going to be in trouble if she did but she had to really. “I tried to find her, Bas.” Her bright jade eyes averted down as she spoke, the nervous feeling suddenly becoming more noticeable in her voice once more. “You know me, computers are my thing, I could find anyone I wanted. Hell Dad used to joke that as a child I despised where’s waldo because he was too easy to find! But I can’t find her.. Of all people, I just can’t find her.”
Chey’s teeth clenched the centre of her top lip as she drew a hard and heavy breath in and a tear slowly tumbled down her cheek. She wasn’t sobbing, she wasn’t hysterical, but the tears didn’t seem to want to stop any time soon. “Every time I see a mom walking down the street with her child or playing the park or darting around the grocery store with dark circles under her eyes in a desperate rush to find diapers…. I should have that… It feels so wrong that I don’t. I don’t know what to do Bastian!” Her eyes went back to him. “I tried to stay strong, but I don’t know what to do!” And there it was. Like a boiler held together with sticky tape, she’d exploded, she’d burst and now she was just running on empty. |
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Post by bastian on Dec 13, 2010 22:02:45 GMT -5
 Bastian's own chest was clenched with tightness. He couldn't imagine the pain or the heartbreak that Chey was going through. She had given up her child, but seemingly not of her own volition, but because it's what her ex expected of her. She had been pressured into it, and Bastian could tell it was not something she ever really wanted. It hadn't been something she wanted to do. Now, sitting here, rocking her, whispering reassuring words, Bastian felt helpless once again. What could he do to make this better? Well besides beat the hell out of her ex. Potentially subject to him to a supernatural situation where he became some sort of monster that he could kill with just reason. Not that Chey was just enough cause, but he wouldn't be human. Then again Bastian was wondering what kind of person did that to someone they supposedly cared about. That was the thing though. Obviously he never cared about Chey. He just saw her as a beautiful woman that would be a quick lay. He manipulated Chey, pulling on her emotional strings and playing her like a fiddle so he could get what he wanted. Fury rose in Bastian and he heard some nearby trinkets begin to tremble on the desk. He squashed down his anger before things started flying. It wouldn't help Chey right now. Bastian didn't know what to do. At the moment she was hysterical, the pain washing out of her in an emotional waterfall that she couldn't contain. Bastian could almost feel the energy rushing out of her as she got weaker and weaker in his arms. Lifting Chey up effortlessly in his arms Bastian took her over to the bed and set her down. Smiling he took off her shoes, before leaning in and kissing her tears away. "Right now, we're going to sleep." He lifted her legs and laid her down, before slipping off his own shoes and sliding into bed next to her. "You need to rest, Goose." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, running his fingers through her hair and kissing the top of her head. "We'll sleep, and then when we wake up, we'll come up with a plan." He kissed the top of her head again and again. "If you want to find her, we will. We'll find some way, but after we sleep. Okay?" |
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Post by Chevrolet Winchester on Dec 16, 2010 9:10:05 GMT -5
It wasn’t as shocking as it should have been that Bastian was able to lift Chey so easily. Even without the fact her body was drained and weak, the once avid foodie had been slowly dropping the pounds lately. She used to eat like a horse but lately you were more likely to see Chey with a bottle of tequila in her hands than a bacon double cheese burger. She’d frowned at him slightly as he’d set her down and moved to take off her shoes, more so as he looked up at her, smiling. He’d moved to kiss away her tears and informed her they were going to sleep before positioning her onto the bed. Her attempts to protest had been scuppered by the delicate yawn that escaped her. He got into bed and pulled her close, her hands resting against his chest as she cuddled into him close. She yawned again, her lashes fluttering erratically as her eyes refused to stay open. If she wasn’t already close to crashing, the way he was stroking her hair and kissing her forehead would definitely be lulling her to sleep. She managed to murmur out an “I love you.” But was practically out like a light before she could finish the sentence. You could tell she was tired because little miss obsessive compulsive wasn’t even worried about the state her room was in. It was going to be fun to clean up once she did wake up, from glass to broken trinkets and god knows what state her TV was in. But with everything out in the open and with Bastian holding her she was able to sleep a lot better than she had for a long, long time.
Everything in her brain was calm and quiet. She didn’t dream but that was good because at least her dreams weren’t being haunted by the horrors they normally were. She’d pretty much slept the entire day away but she needed to but despite the hours of simple rest, she still seemed to wake up with a start. Her eyes instantly searched for Bastian, almost like she wasn’t sure she’d see him there. She wouldn’t have been surprised if that was her dream. Her eyes locked onto her honey for a moment, a smile spreading across her face. She was so lucky and so so happy. She hated to feel like this hadn’t been and wasn’t enough for her but you could never understand that feeling of loss until you experienced it. You couldn’t begin to understand what it was like to not have your child with you, not to mention knowing that she’s out there somewhere, growing up without you. As the thought flew across Chey’s brain, her body bolted, navigating itself to lean over the bed and grabbing the picture pieces off the floor. Just the look at that little face and she was right back there. She felt that intense wave of love she felt the very first time, the same feeling she felt every time she looked at the picture. |
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Post by bastian on Dec 16, 2010 12:47:11 GMT -5
Bastian knew it wouldn't take much for Chey to fall asleep. She was obviously exhausted emotionally and physically. He didn't like how light she felt in his arms, but that wasn't something to talk about right now. One problem at a time, and from what Bastian could tell, there were a whole lot of problems with this situation. It started with Chey's ex. While that wasn't the most prominent of the problems it was Bastian was going to take care of. He stroked her hair while she slept, trying to keep her calm and soothed as he wracked his mind trying to figure out how they were going to find Chey's lost little girl. Bastian had money so that wasn't a problem. He'd spend every last dime if it would find that little girl for Chey. She may have gone down all the conventional and hacker routes, but Bastian knew that there were other avenues. Ones less legal than that. When Chey started awake, Bastian smiled at her. "I'm here, Goose." He kissed her lips lightly. When she went to move, Bastian loosened his hold on her, wondering what she was doing. When Chey came back with a picture, Bastian spooned behind her, looking at the photo as he wrapped an arm around her stomach. "Is that her?" |
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Post by Chevrolet Winchester on Dec 25, 2010 10:12:54 GMT -5
It just felt nice to see Bastian there beside her when she opened her eyes. It seemed safer in a way. Happier. She wished that was enough. She knew why it wasn’t, even if she’d hoped and prayed for the past 10 months that the feeling would go away. Maybe she’d finally got to the point where she’d realized the feeling never would go away and that it was simply unbearable. But in the last five minutes she’d come to also realize that her bed felt simply lonely without Bastian there. When he wasn’t around it just seemed too big, too empty. As he spooned her and placed his arms around her, one arm went to his, while the hand of the other held the pieces of the picture together. She nodded her head slightly at the question. “That’s my girl.” Suddenly her eyes scanned the mess that was her bedroom. Maybe smashing it up wasn’t the best idea. She couldn’t say it didn’t help though. “Guess I gotta buy myself a new TV.” She said with a small sigh. “Least you can buy a new TV!” Chey shrugged despite the grip Bastian had on her. It was like she was slowly deflating again, as much as she didn’t want to. She wasn’t about to break down in tears though, and that was a step up. “I’m so sorry, Bastian. I thought it… I hoped it would go away.”
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Post by bastian on Dec 29, 2010 18:26:13 GMT -5
Bastian wondered if something like that ever went away. Giving her child up for adoption when she didn't really want to. Having the pressure and the entire weight of all of this on her shoulders alone. It was a lot for one person to deal with. He held onto her, his grip unwavering and solid. He breathed in the sweet scent of her. "Don't apologize, Goose," He whispered into her hair. "There's nothing to apologize for." He rubbed her back, kissed her cheeks. "Just tell me what it is you want to do and I'll make it happen, all right?" |
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Post by Chevrolet Winchester on Dec 30, 2010 15:35:07 GMT -5
If she wasn't already completely in love with Bastian, she'd swear that every second she spent in this bed with him she fell deeper and deeper. The only problem she had was that she didn't know how to answer his question. "I just want to hold her again Bastian." She turned slightly, forcing her eyes to lay upon his face. "I just don't know how to do it and I'm scared." Her eyelids slowly slid down to cover her bright jade eyes and she inhaled deeply, doing everything she could to just say what she wanted to say, but she was struggling to feel brave right now. "I can't risk it, baby. I can't risk getting my hopes up, just to have them broken down again."
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Post by bastian on Jan 19, 2011 23:53:25 GMT -5
Bastian kissed Chey softly. If he could he would syphon all of the pain she was feeling and pull it into himself. Hell he had enough going on, a little bit more wouldn't hurt. Especially if it was for Chey. In all honesty it seemed as though the Winchester's and the James were cursed. As if they were all doomed to have hard lives that never ends well.
"We'll find her," Bastian promised Chey. "Why don't you show me what you have and we'll go from there okay?" He kissed her forehead. He wished there was a way he could take the pain away from Chey and Simi too, but it just seemed he failed them more than anything else.
Maybe in this, he'd be able to succeed at something. He could help Chey find her daughter. He had contacts around the country that may be able to help. Christ...a daughter. A kid. Bastian wouldn't abandon Chey, but he wondered what role he'd be playing in her life once they found her.
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