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Post by madison on Jun 5, 2011 13:05:09 GMT -5
 But I've already fallen
I've already lost control
I've already missed
And I've already sold my soul
And I've already cried
And I wish that I was flyin'
But I'll keep on fallin'Over the last few months the voices had steadily been growing worse. At first Madison wondered if it was stress related. Post Traumatic Stress maybe. After all she'd been kidnapped and when she woke in the hospital the one man she had wanted to be by her side couldn't. Madison knew if Florian could have been there he would have been, but Darian had taken Lily. There had only been a certain amount of time to get her back. Once he had, there had been things to take care of, a name to pass on. Madison understood all of that. She was proud of Florian for everything he had done. It didn't mean she hadn't been lonely while he was gone. It had been hard, recuperating, helping Aubrie, finding Charlie. Justin had been a constant rock, solid for her to lean on. While Madison loved her brother, and was thankful, she had missed the man she loved and for the longest time, after the initial letter, was worried he wouldn't come back to her. There was plenty to give her PTSD, but that wasn't it. Catscans and MRI's came next. Madison saw a neurologist, saying she felt funny since the accident. The accident of course being the kidnapping. If she told the doctors she had been kidnapped by two vampires - one being her exhusband - they would have thought Madison crazy. Now she was beginning to wonder herself. Nothing was showing up physically, but the voices, they were still there. Sometimes they were far away and sometimes it was like they were screaming in her ear. They spoke of things that made no sense to Madison, of people she didn't know, things she didn't understand. It kept her awake at night, more so than the occasional nightmare. If she wasn't insane, the voices were steadily driving her that way. "The boy."
"Never should have been born."
"Against God's will."
"They will come for him."The boy wasn't the only thing they talked about. Demons and people. Events and catastrophes. Madison wasn't sure how to handle it all. It was as though she had a line straight in a crowded room that never slept. There were a hundred voices in her head and she didn't know how to make them go away. Florian had taken Charlie to visit with Brennan and Allison. Madison hadn't felt up to it. She had told him she felt a bit under the weather. Which was true enough. She didn't want to go out with them and wind up ruining their day. Besides, Florian deserved time to bond with his family. Allison was his granddaughter. Madison didn't want her hearing voices to draw his attention away from that. She had gone about cleaning the house, listening to music, anything to distract her from the constant whispers and shouts in her head. It worked for a while, but the constant strain was wearing on her. After trying everything she could think of, Madison just couldn't take it anymore. Letting herself sag against the corner in the kitchen, Madison drew her knees up to her chest and started to cry, scared for her mental health, and scared about how this was going to effect her newly formed family. |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Jun 6, 2011 20:00:54 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Florian Raniari It's okay to feel lost
It just means you're alive... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Florian slipped into the house silently.
He'd spent a few hours with the girls before asking Brennan if she'd mind watching them for a while. Where Sastre was, Florian didn't know, but as it seemed a delicate subject for Brennan, he didn't press. He knew that it was a difficult time for the two of them, for each had changed greatly during their year apart, but he had every faith that they'd come out of it alright.
What worried him right now, though, was Madison. At first everything had been perfect, and he'd been shocked by how right everything was: he had Madison, and Charlie, and he'd been speaking with various architects and designers concerning his restaurant. And, in the back of his mind, he'd been making plans to build a house for his family up north, closer to Lillian and the shop, where Brennan and Sastre spent their time when not on the road. It would do Charlie some good to be closer to Allison as well, and to Lillian, who could no doubt help the young girl with her powers.
No, as perfect as things had seemed, Florian had noticed a subtle change in Madison since he'd been back. She seemed distracted at times, and far more exhausted than she used to be, for he knew firsthand that she hadn't been sleeping well. After she'd turned down the chance to spend the day with the girls and Brennan, Florian had become worried, and he'd decided to head back to the house to make sure she was alright, and to have a moment to talk with her since there was no one else around.
Years spent as a hunter had bred an instinctual stealth to his every move, whether he meant to be stealthy or not, and he made his way silently through the house. He froze in place, though, when he heard the soft sound of Madison's crying, and his pace quickened as he made his way toward the sound, which was coming from the kitchen.
There, he saw Madison slumped in the corner, hopeless sobs coming from her that tore at his heart. Casting a wary glance around, Florian wondered if something had come after her, or was maybe still there, though he saw nothing out of the ordinary. Moving forward he knelt down before her and gently took her into his arms, holding her close and making comforting sounds as he held her.
He didn't know what was going on, and he was forced to bury his own concern for the moment, to provide a strong shoulder to cry on for the woman he loved.
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Post by madison on Jun 6, 2011 21:25:06 GMT -5
But I've already fallen
I've already lost control
I've already missed
And I've already sold my soul
And I've already cried
And I wish that I was flyin'
But I'll keep on fallin' Madison had been so wrapped up in her sobs that she didn't notice Florian's approach. When he scooped her up in his arms she wasn't startled though. Madison knew the feel of his touch without looking. His embrace was unique, a feeling that would stand apart from all the rest. It was warm, inviting, strong, and yet gentle all wrapped into one. Without even thinking about it, she turned, wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulders. Madison hadn't meant for him to see her like this. Not like this. A crying heap on the floor because she couldn't make the voices stop. She had tried to keep it from him, but he had come home early. Madison hadn't been expecting Florian or Charlie for hours.
"He is my son."
"That matters not. This union was not mean to be. There is a reason we do not lie with humans, brother."
Madison gripped Florian tighter, as if somehow his hold would make the voices stop. She was ruining everything. Now, Florian was here. She would have to tell him the truth. Tell him what was going on. Except, what was he doing home so early? Forgetting her own problems for a moment, Madison's mind went to their young ward. She pulled back and looked up at Florian with her tear streaked face. "Why are you back early?" She hiccuped softly. "Is Charlie all right? Did something happen?"Since Florian's return things had been mostly uneventful on the supernatural front. With the exception of Madison hearing voices. Though she doubted that was supernatural. It was just a average, ordinary, every day case of insanity. At least that's what it seemed like. Madison didn't want Charlie in her head to hear this. She didn't want the little girl exposed to anything more than she had been. Charlie deserved a bit of peace and happiness. So did Florian. Madison was ruining everything. |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Jun 19, 2011 15:32:40 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Florian Raniari It's okay to feel lost
It just means you're alive... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Florian continued to hold her, rubbing her back soothingly.
Pulling her a bit closer, he rested his chin on the top of her head, closing his eyes and trying to provide the comfort that Madison needed. Something was wrong, he realized that now, but he didn't know what. It worried him a little that something could be going on that Madison hadn't told him about, and he felt a bit hurt until he realized that there was a time, not so long ago, that he would have done the exact same thing. He never would have confessed to her that he was in trouble, or hurting, until he just couldn't hide it any more. It had been drilled into him since he was a child not to confide in anyone, after all, and to handle his problems on his own.
So, with that knowledge fresh in his mind, Florian knew he couldn't blame her for keeping something from him.
When she pulled back a bit and looked up at him, his stomach twisted at her expression of fear and hopelessness. Her words were lost on him for a moment as he leaned in and kissed her softly, reaching up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. Resting his forehead against hers, he opened his eyes and smiled reassuringly.
"Charlie's fine," he told her. "She's out with Brennan and Allison. I came home because I though we could talk about whatever's been bothering you. It's so rare that we can have time to ourselves any more, it seems." Smiling a bit more, he gave her another quick kiss, adding, "I suppose it comes with being a parent, huh?"
Scooping her up carefully, Florian stood to his feet, holding her close as he walked slowly out into the living room. Settling down on the couch, he continued to hold her in his lap, has hand running up and down her back. He remained silent for a long time, content to just hold her and do what he could to comfort her. He still didn't know what was wrong, but he'd find out in due time. For now, though, he didn't want to push her, choosing instead to be a comforting presence.
After nearly a half hour, he finally spoke softly.
"So," he finally said, kissing her hair. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or am I going to have to guess?" he asked, his tone light.
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Post by madison on Jun 19, 2011 20:37:30 GMT -5
But I've already fallen
I've already lost control
I've already missed
And I've already sold my soul
And I've already cried
And I wish that I was flyin'
But I'll keep on fallin' The declaration that Charlie was all right let Madison relax somewhat. She was still stressed and frustrated. She still felt like she was losing her mind. As much as that scared her, well she worried what effect it would have on her family more. They had been through enough, much more than Madison had been through. Why did this have to happen? Why now when everything had begun to go along so well. Madison wrapped her arms around Florian, burying her face in his neck as he took them to the couch. His arms were warm, comforting, and soothing. They always were. His touch calmed the hysterics to soft sobs accompanied by small hiccups. She held onto him tight as his hands caressed her back. It was easy to get lost in his touch - to let him push everything away. Madison was quickly calming down, the safety of Florian's presence always having that effect on her. When he asked what was wrong, Madison sighed against his neck. She hadn't even noticed that for now, the voices had quieted. All Madison knew was that Florian was there. That meant that one way or another things would be all right. "I shouldn't have waited so long to tell you. I know that." She sniffled a bit and pulled away to look at him. "I just didn't want to ruin everything. Everyone has been so happy. You and Charlie. I just wanted us all to be happy, so I thought it would go away. That I could find a way to fix it myself and no one would have to know."Madison's words were going a mile a minute. She was rushing through it, knowing that this was going to be hard on Florian. The man who had already lost a wife, thought he had lost a daughter. What if Madison's mind was going? What if she truly was going insane? How could she put him through that? Maybe it wasn't supernatural, but it wasn't right. "With everything you've been through, with everything Charlie's been through -" She choked back a sob. "I don't want to be a burden to you, and I don't want to be the cause of more pain for her."
Then just that fast the voices started up again. They were too fast for her to understand this time, but it sent a piercing pain through her skull. It felt like someone was searing her brain with molten lava. Crying out she arched her back, gripping onto Florian. "Oh, God please!" She squeezed her eyes shut. "Please make it stop!" |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Jun 20, 2011 22:15:13 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Florian Raniari It's okay to feel lost
It just means you're alive... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
He could sense Madison finally starting to relax.
Remaining silent, he continued to hold her, rubbing her back and shoulders reassuringly and knowing that she’d speak when she was ready. There was no reason to rush her, after all, since Brennan was watching the girls and had agreed to keep Charlie with her until Florian let her know otherwise. So, he and Madison had plenty of time to work their way through this, whatever “this” might be.
Finally, after several minutes, Madison began to speak, her voice soft and filled with barely held back emotion. The words tumbled out of her as she, though she didn’t really seem to be giving any sort of coherent explanation. Rather, she was apologizing, as if she’d done something wrong, and it was obvious that her concern for their fledgling family was far greater than her concern for herself.
Florian couldn’t help but smile. That was just like her, to put the welfare of others ahead of her own. She was selfless, though she probably wouldn’t think of herself that way. It was one of the things that Florian found the most attractive about her, her willingness to do everything she could to help others. It was, after all, that quality that had brought them together in the first place, and had saved his life more than once.
Suddenly, something happened. Madison cried out, her grip on him tightening until her fingers were digging into his flesh. Eyes wide, Florian scanned the room for any sort of threat, for anything that might be doing this to her. Tightening his protective hold on her, he realized that there was nothing here, and whatever it was that was afflicting Madison must be coming from within the woman herself.
“Madison?” he asked, his voice tense. “What is it? Where is it coming from?”
If he knew at least what part of her body the apparent pain was focused, then at least he could try and counter it with a bit of reiki. Of course, that depended on whether or not it was an actual physical pain, or something non-physical. It could be a psychic attack, or something magical, in which case he’d be better off calling Brennan than trying to counter it himself.
“Madison, I need you to talk to me. I know it hurts, but I need you to talk to me, please. What can I do?”
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Post by madison on Jun 21, 2011 13:50:55 GMT -5
But I've already fallenI've already lost control
I've already missed
And I've already sold my soul
And I've already cried
And I wish that I was flyin'
But I'll keep on fallin'
The pain was searing through her. Madison was used to pain. Her ex husband - now deceased vampire - had inflicted enough pain on her to last a life time. Darian too had hurt her. Madison thought she had a decent threshold for it, but this...this was different. It was like someone pouring molten lava through her brain. It was hot, a sharp, searing pain that wouldn't let up. Amongst it she could hear the voices. They were angry. Why? She didn't know. She couldn't understand them, the pain taking all of her attention. "My head!" She cried, fresh tears streaming down her face. "The voices are doing it!" It probably sounded crazy to him, but Madison knew it was the truth. Even if she was insane, well if the mind believed it, the body would follow. "It's not real," She screamed, trying to make herself believe it wasn't. If it was just a hallucination then it would subside. "It's not real!" Gripping Florian, her back arched again as a fresh wave of it washed through her mind. Her method wasn't working. The pain wasn't going away and neither were the voices. It was too much. "Please, make it stop!" It was a whimpering plea. She opened her eyes to look at Florian. They were red and blood shot, the blood vessels taking a lot of pressure from the pain and Madison's screaming. It literally felt like her head might explode. Madison screamed again, thrashing in his arms, her hands going to her head and squeezing. "Stop, stop, please, stop!"Then, just like that it did. It was as if someone had flipped a switch. The pain, the voices they were just gone. For now at least. Moaning softly, she collapsed against Florian, weak and exhausted from the episode. She cried softly into his chest, having no strength to do more. "I'm so sorry, Florian." It was a hoarse whisper. "There's something wrong with me." |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Jun 27, 2011 11:07:25 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Florian Raniari It's okay to feel lost
It just means you're alive... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Though panicking a bit inside, Florian thanked his training for giving him the ability to remain calm, collected, and supportive outwardly.
He continued to hold Madison close, hoping his presence was enough to help her through the pain when there was little else he could do. He was quite certain now that it wasn’t actually any sort of physical sensation that was afflicting her, but rather something of the mind. And, despite all of his experience and training with tending wounds and easing pain, there was little he could do for her.
His suspicion was verified when Madison mentioned the voices, and the pain in her head. That, at least, gave Florian a physical point to work upon, though whether or not his actions would do any real good he was unsure. Finally she seemed to go limp in his lap, the spasms of pain coming to an abrupt end. Closing his eyes, the retired-hunter placed his hands on either side of Madison’s head and began channeling his reiki energy, hoping to at least soothe a bit of her suffering if nothing else, and knowing that the familiar sensation might at least give her a small bit of comfort.
With one part of his mind focused on the reiki, another began to work away at the problem, analyzing it and dissecting it, trying to figure out what it could be and how he could stop it. Letting those processes fade into the background, Florian had to tighten his grip on his own self-control, the memory of the pain and fear in Madison’s eyes rising up to nearly overwhelm him. He didn’t know what was going on—yet, anyway—but if there was a way to stop it, he would do whatever it took.
“Shhhh,” he softly murmured as he lowered his hands and opened his eyes once again. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Madison. Whatever’s happening, we’ll figure it out, together.” Pulling back a bit, Florian tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes, smiling reassuringly. “After everything else we’ve been through, I’m sure we’ll work this out, alright? I love you, and Charlie loves you, and neither of us are going anywhere.”
Even as he spoke those words, Florian felt his earlier bout of panic beginning to fade. It was true, after all, that they’d already been through so much together, that this was little more than another bump in the road. Florian was confident that they could solve this problem, like they’d solved countless others, together, as a family. He let this confidence show in his eyes as he looked down at her, reaching up to lightly brush the tears from her cheek.
“I love you, Madison. And I’ll do whatever it takes to help you through this.”
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Post by madison on Jun 28, 2011 18:36:17 GMT -5
But I've already fallen
I've already lost control
I've already missed
And I've already sold my soul
And I've already cried
And I wish that I was flyin'
But I'll keep on fallin'
Florian's words were always so soothing. There had never been any doubt that he would stand by her side. She loved him so much for that fact. If it had been Steven and this had happened, well he probably wouldn't have been so kind. Madison counted herself to be very lucky to have found a man as wondrous and loving as Florian. That didn't stop the guilt from eating away at her. He wasn't hunting anymore. They had a daughter now. They were supposed to be happy. They were supposed to have normal, every day problems for once. Instead, Madison realized she was only getting worse. That her hope for a happy, non complicated family was dwindling. There was no one to blame but herself. Madison curled into him. "I've been hearing voices." Her voice was quiet, almost as small and scared as she felt. "Multiple ones, like people having a conversation. Sometimes I understand, but sometimes it's not in a language I understand."It just figured that she would go crazy and hear voices that spoke in a tongue she didn't know. Madison couldn't even do that right it seemed. She was wallowing, she knew that. Florian should have been told sooner, but Madison had been so frightened. She was still. "I've done all the tests to see if there was something wrong with me. Twice actually, because according to the results, I'm healthy." She choked up at the last of it. If it wasn't anything physical then it had to be something mental. "I think I'm going crazy." She kept her eyes on his chest, not wanting to see his reaction. Madison didn't want to see the worry or the hurt, or whatever it was that Florian was feeling. She was ashamed. Not that mental illness was anything to be ashamed of. She was just ashamed because she wanted to be so much more for Florian and Charlie. Florian had been a hunter who sacrificed so much of his life to keep others safe. He was strong, brave, and so full of love for his family. Charlie was a sweet girl with powers that they were trying to help her control. She had so much heartache already, Madison didn't want to put her through more. She didn't want to be the cause of their pain. "I'm scared," She whispered to him softly. Madison rested her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes. The voices were still gone for now, but she knew they'd be back. They always came back. |
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Post by Florian Raniari on Jul 2, 2011 15:48:16 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Florian Raniari It's okay to feel lost
It just means you're alive... - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Florian remained silent as Madison explained what had been going on.
As she spoke, the old former-hunter’s mind continued to work on the problem. Hearing voices could mean several things, assuming it was in fact something supernatural—which Florian fully believed—and not some obscure medical or mental issue. But she’d had tests performed, and she seemed certain it wasn’t anything physical, which left the possibility of a psychological problem. Florian found it hard to believe, though, that after everything Madison had been put through in her life she would just now show any sign of a mental disorder, not after all the things they’d been through together, and her own struggles even before that.
So, Florian immediately began running through the list of supernatural possibilities.
Something could be haunting Madison, a spirit connected to an object, or even the ghost of a patient who’d died under her care. That would be the easiest thing to deal with, as Florian had decades of experience dealing with wayward spirits. Another possibility was that Madison had possessed a latent psychic ability, and something recently had set it off, causing it to go active after an entire life of dormancy. If this were the case things would be a bit more difficult, as there wasn’t really a way to “get rid of” a psychic power, not easily and safely anyway. The thought that this could also be an attack of some sort against Madison came to him as well. After all, Florian had a lot of enemies, some of whom wouldn’t care that he was no longer Sastre Quicksilver… A powerful psychic or witch could be creating these voices in an attempt to drive Madison insane, and tear their fledgling family apart.
Several other possibilities all were analyzed and discarded, other than one, and it was that particular one that worried him most, and he refused to face it until all of the others had been checked…
“You’re not going crazy,” he assured her, believing it with all his heart. “I have no doubt that whatever is happening is something we can take care of. I already have a couple ideas, and we’ll just narrow down the list until we figure out what it is.” Smiling warmly, he tilted her chin up to give her a gentle kiss, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Everything will be alright, Madison.”
Falling silent for a while, Florian was content to simply hold her, offering whatever comfort he could. His mind continued to tackle the issue, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized it might not be a bad idea to contact Lillian, knowing that there were certain things that she had more experience in than he did.
“I think, maybe, we should see if Lillian could come down for a visit. Or we could go up to Chicago, if you’d like. She might be able to help if I can’t.”
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