been a while since i felt butterflies (( stuart

[Delilah Jade Cross]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i.imgur.com/58b4K.jpg);width: 500px; height: 450px;border: solid #000 5px; -moz-border-radius: 70px 5px 20px 5px; border: 2px solid #333;] She could feel herself failing more and more with every passing moment. Well... Failing in her eyes. She swore she wouldn't break. It was normally the first thing she told herself every morning. She spent her life convincing herself she was doing the right thing. She did genuinely believe she was doing what was best for Stuart and their child. She knew she looked cruel and selfish, that was because she let herself. In her eyes, the selfishness in her came from the feelings she had every day when she just wanted, more than anything, to check and see how they were. One of the hardest things was not knowing. She knew nothing, but it was better that way. Even as there was a new sparkle in her baby blues from the way they were filling with tears, taking deep breaths to stop them from forming fully. She couldn't bare to cry anymore than she could bare being there with him. She didn't want to!! Forcing a gulp was like swallowing a golf ball but it was all she could do to be able to let out words without them breaking. “I was just passing through...” Looking down, Delilah ran her index finger around the top of her glass, but it upon noticing her arm trembling slightly, she pulled it back to her body. “I thought... I didn't think I'd see anyone I knew... I thought it was enough out of town....”

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MADE BY MEGGSIEMOO OF OUT OF THE ASHES

[stuartpenbrook]

[atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f5f5f5; width: 440px; padding: 4px;, bTable] [STYLE=font-family: times new roman; font-size: 55px; color: d5d5d5; text-transform: lowercase; margin-top: -20px; letter-spacing: -5px; border-bottom: 2px solid #e4e4e4; line-height: 45px; width: 320px;]TICK TACK TICK TACK[/style] [STYLE=background: url(http://i993.photobucket.com/albums/af58/lunakids/josh17-1.png); height: 100px; width: 100px; border: 3px solid #e4e4e4; float: right; padding: 3px; margin-top: -56px; ] [/style] [STYLE= font-family: arial; font-size: 70px; color:eaeaea; float: left; margin-top: -14px;]⚜[/style] [STYLE= text-align: justify; width: 250px; font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; line-height: 10px; letter-spacing: 2px; font-style: italic; padding: 3px; color: c5c5c5;]"TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE KIMI DAKE AISHITERU SORE KIMOCHI WA KAWARANAI OH BOKURA NI WA KASANATTE KITA SUTEKI NA OMOIDE MO ARUKEDO KONO YONI ASUROSU GOSANAI KARA OOKINA OH SO"[/STYLE] [STYLE=background-color: eeeeee; text-align: center; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; color: 909090; letter-spacing: 1px; border-bottom: 1px solid e6e6e6; line-height: 16px;]TO LIE I SHALL SING IT FOR YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT[/style] [STYLE=text-align: left; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px; color: ababab; font-style: italic;]NOTES ● keep it short pl0x ● LYRICS ● tick tack, u-kiss ● CREDITS ● rayah! of btn![/style] [STYLE=background-color: ebebeb; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 888888; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px;] For a single, hopeful moment, Stuart had allowed himself to think that she had returned to him… or at least to the son who had never had the chance to know his mother. Stuart didn’t even have any photos to show him, no images of the beautiful creature who had given birth to him, and Noah had to settle for, and let’s face it, Stuarts rather subpar explanations. After all, what five year old cares that his mother was beautiful when he asked if her teeth were crooked or if she had any birthmarks?? Stuart often found himself floundering for the details when, after five years, he was left with an impression of her, marred by her vanishment, and lacked the details his son desired. But no… as it turned out he hoped in vain. Always in vain – because she wasn’t returning. She was passing through. And from the look on her face, the look akin to that of a rabbit blinded by car headlights, she had no intention of seeing either him or their son. And so, Stuart decided the pain had been prolonged enough for both of them. He had his drink. She had hers. It was time to leave the bar and rejoin the stag night, even though he knew this meeting would spend most of the night weighing on his mind. ”Oh. Right. Well. I’ll leave you to it. It was nice to see you again, Delilah.” And with that he turned from her, and started back towards the mass of pulsating flesh that was the dancefloor [/style]

[Delilah Jade Cross]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i.imgur.com/58b4K.jpg);width: 500px; height: 450px;border: solid #000 5px; -moz-border-radius: 70px 5px 20px 5px; border: 2px solid #333;] For a moment she thought about letting him go.... Her life for the last six years had been spent blocking out any memory of him and the beautiful bundle she'd entrusted him with. She liked those moments where she sat there and tried to imagine them for a moment, to imagine the smiles on their faces and how perfect their lives had to be. She knew from the day she met Stuart that he wanted a family, it was why, despite everything else going on, the mere second she considered an abortion, she knew she could not, she could never deprive the man she'd fallen completely in love with the one thing he desired most of all. Looking down, Delilah clenched her cowering hands, closing her eyes and gritting her teeth, sighing shakily before speaking. "Please don't?" Turning quickly towards him, the swing of her leg caused her heels to clank against the metal of the bar stool. For the first time, it seemed like Delilah let go, tears slowly streaming down her face. It was probably the first time since she'd left them that she'd actually let herself be vulnerable in front of someone else. "Please??"

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MADE BY MEGGSIEMOO OF OUT OF THE ASHES

[stuartpenbrook]

[atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f5f5f5; width: 440px; padding: 4px;, bTable] [STYLE=font-family: times new roman; font-size: 55px; color: d5d5d5; text-transform: lowercase; margin-top: -20px; letter-spacing: -5px; border-bottom: 2px solid #e4e4e4; line-height: 45px; width: 320px;]TICK TACK TICK TACK[/style] [STYLE=background: url(http://i993.photobucket.com/albums/af58/lunakids/josh17-1.png); height: 100px; width: 100px; border: 3px solid #e4e4e4; float: right; padding: 3px; margin-top: -56px; ] [/style] [STYLE= font-family: arial; font-size: 70px; color:eaeaea; float: left; margin-top: -14px;]⚜[/style] [STYLE= text-align: justify; width: 250px; font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; line-height: 10px; letter-spacing: 2px; font-style: italic; padding: 3px; color: c5c5c5;]"TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE KIMI DAKE AISHITERU SORE KIMOCHI WA KAWARANAI OH BOKURA NI WA KASANATTE KITA SUTEKI NA OMOIDE MO ARUKEDO KONO YONI ASUROSU GOSANAI KARA OOKINA OH SO"[/STYLE] [STYLE=background-color: eeeeee; text-align: center; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; color: 909090; letter-spacing: 1px; border-bottom: 1px solid e6e6e6; line-height: 16px;]TO LIE I SHALL SING IT FOR YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT[/style] [STYLE=text-align: left; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px; color: ababab; font-style: italic;]NOTES ● keep it short pl0x ● LYRICS ● tick tack, u-kiss ● CREDITS ● rayah! of btn![/style] [STYLE=background-color: ebebeb; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 888888; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px;] Stuart paused, turning his head in confusion. She wanted him to stay? Why? She had spent all this time quite clearly avoiding him… she had no clear intention of ever seeing him again, so why now on this coincidence of an encounter, did she want him to stay? What would they even talk about? How he left his wife for her? How he had loved her, still, loved her in fact he realised with an ache in his chest, or the fact that she had dumped a baby in his arms and fled? To say he was conflicted was an understatement, yet here he was, sliding once more back onto a stool at the bar, a white knuckle grip on the beer in his hand. ”I’ll stay/” he answered, looking over her. He wasn’t sure what it was that broke him, but he was pretty sure it was the wetness on her cheek, shining in the harsh lights of the club. God… she was still so beautifull… ” what is it Delilah?” [/style]

[Delilah Jade Cross]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i.imgur.com/58b4K.jpg);width: 500px; height: 450px;border: solid #000 5px; -moz-border-radius: 70px 5px 20px 5px; border: 2px solid #333;] Nerves beyond shot to hell, Delilah swore she'd never felt like this, her heart no longer beat, it was but a dull presence in her chest and she felt so ill it was making her head spin. Gulping again, she lifted her had to her cheek, wiping it under her jaw to collect the tears. Now the trembling had taken over her entire body, knocking her feet against the stool to create an endless click. "Can we talk?" Her voice was starting to break and the whole thing was making her feel so self conscious. Her glittering eyes darted around the room with hast before looking back to here. "Not here... Like... Really talk?" She couldn't believe she was doing it. She slightly hated herself. She should have just left them to it, let them enjoy their lives, but she couldn't. Now she was here she could not contain the curiosity that haunted her.

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MADE BY MEGGSIEMOO OF OUT OF THE ASHES

[stuartpenbrook]

[atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f5f5f5; width: 440px; padding: 4px;, bTable] [STYLE=font-family: times new roman; font-size: 55px; color: d5d5d5; text-transform: lowercase; margin-top: -20px; letter-spacing: -5px; border-bottom: 2px solid #e4e4e4; line-height: 45px; width: 320px;]TICK TACK TICK TACK[/style] [STYLE=background: url(http://i993.photobucket.com/albums/af58/lunakids/josh17-1.png); height: 100px; width: 100px; border: 3px solid #e4e4e4; float: right; padding: 3px; margin-top: -56px; ] [/style] [STYLE= font-family: arial; font-size: 70px; color:eaeaea; float: left; margin-top: -14px;]⚜[/style] [STYLE= text-align: justify; width: 250px; font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; line-height: 10px; letter-spacing: 2px; font-style: italic; padding: 3px; color: c5c5c5;]"TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE KIMI DAKE AISHITERU SORE KIMOCHI WA KAWARANAI OH BOKURA NI WA KASANATTE KITA SUTEKI NA OMOIDE MO ARUKEDO KONO YONI ASUROSU GOSANAI KARA OOKINA OH SO"[/STYLE] [STYLE=background-color: eeeeee; text-align: center; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; color: 909090; letter-spacing: 1px; border-bottom: 1px solid e6e6e6; line-height: 16px;]TO LIE I SHALL SING IT FOR YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT[/style] [STYLE=text-align: left; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px; color: ababab; font-style: italic;]NOTES ● keep it short pl0x ● LYRICS ● tick tack, u-kiss ● CREDITS ● rayah! of btn![/style] [STYLE=background-color: ebebeb; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 888888; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px;] How he longed to reach out. How he longed to follow the path her own hand had taken and wipe the tears from her face, the crystalline droplets of moisture from her skin and then pull her into his arms. Time it would appear could not take away the old flame that still burnt within his chest, nor however could it dampen the effect of the pain she had caused there, and maybe it was this, more than anything else, that kept his hand where it was, wrapped tightly around his bottle in a white knuckled grip of death. Where he to fall over and die now, he was sure the bottle would have to be buried with him – there was little chance of prying it from his fingers in those moments. He nodded, rising from his perch again and looking around. He did not know this part of town well. He did not know if there was anywhere they could go that would be quieter within the club. He did not wish to go to her hotel room. Car. Motel. Bench. Tent. Where she was staying. Nor did he wish to take her back to the small apartment he shared with his son, where Noah had the only bedroom and Stuart spent every night on a futon in the living room. He was perhaps too ashamed to admit that he had lost everything… even if he knew he had gained so much more. ”Where?” [/style]

[Delilah Jade Cross]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i.imgur.com/58b4K.jpg);width: 500px; height: 450px;border: solid #000 5px; -moz-border-radius: 70px 5px 20px 5px; border: 2px solid #333;] She didn't know where to go... She wasn't exactly thinking it through. She merely knew the pulsating music was making her head feel like it might have already exploded. Running her tongue over her lip, she just said the first thing that came into her head. "Outside? Maybe we could walk or.....?" Shaking her head she looked down again. She was far too used to taking guys home from bars, but not one ever compared to him. Maybe it was the protective barrier she'd built around her heart, or maybe it was just him, maybe she'd never know, but she couldn't help but think how different this was to anything. She'd never stuttered or even had to think about it. "I don't know... Anywhere...." No one ever saw her like this. She wasn't even used to this person she'd somehow turned her into.

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MADE BY MEGGSIEMOO OF OUT OF THE ASHES

[stuartpenbrook]

[atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f5f5f5; width: 440px; padding: 4px;, bTable] [STYLE=font-family: times new roman; font-size: 55px; color: d5d5d5; text-transform: lowercase; margin-top: -20px; letter-spacing: -5px; border-bottom: 2px solid #e4e4e4; line-height: 45px; width: 320px;]TICK TACK TICK TACK[/style] [STYLE=background: url(http://i993.photobucket.com/albums/af58/lunakids/josh17-1.png); height: 100px; width: 100px; border: 3px solid #e4e4e4; float: right; padding: 3px; margin-top: -56px; ] [/style] [STYLE= font-family: arial; font-size: 70px; color:eaeaea; float: left; margin-top: -14px;]⚜[/style] [STYLE= text-align: justify; width: 250px; font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; line-height: 10px; letter-spacing: 2px; font-style: italic; padding: 3px; color: c5c5c5;]"TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE KIMI DAKE AISHITERU SORE KIMOCHI WA KAWARANAI OH BOKURA NI WA KASANATTE KITA SUTEKI NA OMOIDE MO ARUKEDO KONO YONI ASUROSU GOSANAI KARA OOKINA OH SO"[/STYLE] [STYLE=background-color: eeeeee; text-align: center; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; color: 909090; letter-spacing: 1px; border-bottom: 1px solid e6e6e6; line-height: 16px;]TO LIE I SHALL SING IT FOR YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT[/style] [STYLE=text-align: left; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px; color: ababab; font-style: italic;]NOTES ● keep it short pl0x ● LYRICS ● tick tack, u-kiss ● CREDITS ● rayah! of btn![/style] [STYLE=background-color: ebebeb; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 888888; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px;] It would appear that the ship he was sailing could too, for neither of them knew where to go. However, a walk sounded good… a good chance at least to let fresh air clear the alcohol induced smog from his brain. He nodded, and went to offer her his hand, and then thought better of it, withdrawing his fingers to his pockets, and placing his beer once more on the bar top. Other than the moment where he had rapidly gulped the amber nectar to save face when first spotting her, he now no longer had the taste for it. It was bitter in his mouth, and offered no reprieve fro his barren landscape of a throat. Right then, he wasn’t sure if diving into a pool of spring water would help much either. ”A walk Is good…. After you” He did not need reminding of the fact that their first encounter had begun in a bar, and ended with a walk. The sense of dejavu was enough for the man, the memory all too vivid as he rubbed a hand of his slightly prickly jaw. [/style]

[Delilah Jade Cross]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i.imgur.com/58b4K.jpg);width: 500px; height: 450px;border: solid #000 5px; -moz-border-radius: 70px 5px 20px 5px; border: 2px solid #333;] Gulping too, Delilah nodded and lifted herself from the stool. Her long legs turned to jelly the moment she needed them and she sprawled her fingers across the top of the stool to hold her there, taking another deep breath and pushed herself forward. She knew the bridges she'd burned all too well, but she wished and prayed with all her might for him to just hold his hand towards her, prove to her in some way, anyway, that he didn't hate her beyond repair. Nothing of the sort came her way, and she wasn't surprised. Once she felt completely able, she just started to step forward, tugging the back of her dress as if to preserve her dignity, like the man behind her hadn't seen it all many times before, like she didn't show worse on a daily basis.  As she opened the door of the club and stepped out into the night, the cold air hit her like a truck, stealing her breath and leaving her frozen for a moment, eyes shut and having to force herself forwards. She began to shiver, not that it was that cold, it was probably just the combination of the new temperature, the nerves and the fight it was taking to move her legs. Wrapping her arms around herself, her fingers dug into her arms until her grip paled both her knuckles and the soft tanned flesh of her arms. She mentally cursed herself for not taking a jacket with her, and then reminded herself that it was the beginning of May and she'd have never done such a thing so shouting at herself was pointless. At least for that fraction of a second, she wasn't fretting over what to say to Stuart, so she simply stayed silent.

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MADE BY MEGGSIEMOO OF OUT OF THE ASHES

[stuartpenbrook]

[atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f5f5f5; width: 440px; padding: 4px;, bTable] [STYLE=font-family: times new roman; font-size: 55px; color: d5d5d5; text-transform: lowercase; margin-top: -20px; letter-spacing: -5px; border-bottom: 2px solid #e4e4e4; line-height: 45px; width: 320px;]TICK TACK TICK TACK[/style] [STYLE=background: url(http://i993.photobucket.com/albums/af58/lunakids/josh17-1.png); height: 100px; width: 100px; border: 3px solid #e4e4e4; float: right; padding: 3px; margin-top: -56px; ] [/style] [STYLE= font-family: arial; font-size: 70px; color:eaeaea; float: left; margin-top: -14px;]⚜[/style] [STYLE= text-align: justify; width: 250px; font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; line-height: 10px; letter-spacing: 2px; font-style: italic; padding: 3px; color: c5c5c5;]"TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE TO LIE I SHALL BE HERE KIMI DAKE AISHITERU SORE KIMOCHI WA KAWARANAI OH BOKURA NI WA KASANATTE KITA SUTEKI NA OMOIDE MO ARUKEDO KONO YONI ASUROSU GOSANAI KARA OOKINA OH SO"[/STYLE] [STYLE=background-color: eeeeee; text-align: center; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; text-transform: lowercase; color: 909090; letter-spacing: 1px; border-bottom: 1px solid e6e6e6; line-height: 16px;]TO LIE I SHALL SING IT FOR YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT[/style] [STYLE=text-align: left; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px; color: ababab; font-style: italic;]NOTES ● keep it short pl0x ● LYRICS ● tick tack, u-kiss ● CREDITS ● rayah! of btn![/style] [STYLE=background-color: ebebeb; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 888888; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px;] Looking at her now, for a moment Stuart wondered how he had ever not realised she had still been a teenager. That she had not even been legal when she bore their son and disappeared into a world that he was pretty sure wasn’t ready for the whirlwind that she was. He missed her laugh. He missed her warmth. He missed the curve of her body tucked in next to his own. He missed her. As they left he grabbed his jacket from the guy at the cloakroom, handing over his ticket before running out after her. In the few hours he had been inside it had grown cold, and he pulled the jacket tighter around himself before he noticed her shivering. In what she was wearing… well. He slipped the jacket from his arms and instead moved towards her, draping the jacket over her shoulders. You’re going to catch your death out here. [/style]